All i ever wanted to be

-What is evil and what is good?
Brain is evil, and heart is good, god created them both, but kept the heart clean from evil.
Satan took the only thing he knew that human could be falling easy for his tricks; the brain. Becouse he knew that the human belives in what he wants, and by planting evil shit in the head and mind of a human he can get what he wants.
By denying Jesus christ, we deny the way to our lord. If you doubt in me, you deny me, its the same.
How many ways is there to tell the truth? So many ways, but there is only one proof to show that i tell the truth.
By showing it the death way. I never cared much of my own life, i never liked me.
I always wanted to be taken seriously, but i never were taken seriously not even as a child. People tramped on me, dident care for my feelings. If all this starts as a child, this missbehave against one, then it rolls and rolls to a big pile of snow, and one day that snowball will destroy so much in its way, and you cant bearly stop it from rolling over innocents.
Something happend with me some week ago, it dident happen at once, it came slowly in 4 days.
I felt like i had been eating something really bad one afternoon, i never understood what it was, i was feeling disgusted to food, stomach pains, i was worried what happend with my body, and tryed to forgett the pain and move on, but i couldent.
Second day came and i felt worser, and so on for the 3rd day and 4th day...
But when the 4th day arrived i had been doing some things i never knew would happen, i had been forgiving my mother after 33 years, and the most important; my love for my baby had been shown for me that it had been there all along even when i tryed to push it away becouse i was so angry, making me so angry that i am furious in 3 weeks row, is pretty well done, no body has ever achieved that, you know why? Becouse no one have ever achieved to make me so inlove to a girl as my babylove has done. So my anger was nothing but a huge love that had turned out to a dissepointment to her, so i took a choise, not to hurt her coz i was bout to hurt her more then i ever could dream of, cheet just to proov to her that i was telling the truth all the time, she doubted me 6 months and i just had enough to never be belived for the one i love. So i took a choise not to hurt her the worst way, and i let her go.
Today iknow i did wrong, i should have done something to calm me down and tryed to master her way of thinking.
Never do anything out of rage.
So theres always something good in bad, my goodness was that i forgave my mum, and that i found the old me who i was when my baby found me.
Were young we have alot time to spend together, and i will spend every single second of the rest of my life with my baby by trying to tell how deeply i do love her.
I am not smart, i am not any goodlooking guy or handsome, there is so many more that has better qualityes then me, i am not strong with a yummie body, but i have a very beautiful love to give, very romantic mind to share.
My way of thinking is small, but honest, if you want from your heart a ugly guy who has nothing to offer in the body and strength way, then choose me. If you want a handsome guy who has a good looking body, you know those you see on the beach and in movies and all, please i am not that one, never can i be.
And to be with someone and like others is so forbidden and so wrong.
I choosed my baby 1,5 years ago coz she was sooo sexy, so handsome soooo beautiful, i never had seen a girl that beautiful as she, never. And she gave me the kind of love and understanding nobody ever had done, so you can imagine, a girl who pleases my eyes more then any girl have done, and pleases my heart more then anyone ever done, so yeah i was like a fool standing in the rain, i was compleatley in love in everyway.
Still are. Nothing have ever changed, i talked to her via video chat on skype, and i fell in tears, i cryed, becouse i saw her, and thats why i cryed, just becouse she is so beautiful...
A man who cryes becouse of his womans beauty, well you do the math....
I love her so much, so much...... Im worried im too much annoying with my words, but i have to tell her, i feel that so much. Its never wrong to say too many times what you feel for your girl...
I never liked me, and that had the impact on me that she dident like me she just picked me coz she was bored, but she really felt what everybody else; nothing deep to me.
ALL i ever wanted to be, was the best for a girl, the most handsome she ever seen, the best in giving love everything......
Becouse all i ever wanted was to be romantic and sweet. And treat her so gentel and wonderful.
Never harm her, never hurt her, never cheet her, never lie to her. And i found her, and i wish i could be all i ever wanted to her.
I love her like never before, and i miss her to death. So much i miss her...
Call me sissy, and i fucking crack your head open wide, a guy is not a sissy when he shows love and romance, fuck you all who thinks that. I bet you all are soo tough, but when it comes to a girl i bet you are too scared to sacrifice your own life for her, but guess what, i starved my self 4 days just for my babys love, and my plan WAS to kill me, coz i am not gonna live a single day if i cant be with her. AND I MEEN IT!!!!!!!
I cant live if i havent her in my life, i tryed with so many ways, but ended all the time in same corner, that i miss her hat i am suppose to be with her. So its either her or death.
Iknow she loves me, and me her, thats so good, so why try not be with each other huh?
Anyway...
Im a hopeless idiot iknow that, but i am a guy who fell once so hardly inlove to a very beautiful girl, and still i am so hopelessly inlove to her. And i just wanna give her my world.

I love you so much!!!!!!!