Your drunk tonight, i am staying.
Only those days we remembered.
Door slamed, you lied.
Stay compact, stay clean.
We drink, we dry.
Then love.
Stay tonight.
Leave tonight.
Expose, explode.
we drink.
Then love....
Follow, hollow, shallow...
We drink.
We cry... we laugh....
Hunger.
Just for a moment.
If only.
Make it a number.
Im stupid, a cupid.
Lyes back, is blind.
Your drunk, reload.
Then love.
We cry, then what.
We breath.
Follow, walk away, stay, just a while.
Then love........
............ Then love........
.... Then love...............
söndag 27 maj 2012
lördag 19 maj 2012
I rather kill me, then lie to you, and that is not a lie
I always lay low under the radar. But you saw me...
I love you more then i never thought i could love someone.
Everyday you make me hope for a better day with you.
Sometimes i think maybe i am just kidding me, you dont want me, you only say things so i can calm down and then you can delete me without iknow you pushed that button...
Sometimes iknow that were on right track.
Mind is driving me creazy somedays, i need a shadow of a whiskey, i need to have something strong. Becouse i belive im becoming crazy...
Have you lost your touch to love me? Or is it me whos on the wrong track here?
Iguess i rather feel nothing at all then get hurt....
I need you more then you know, or maybe you know how much i need you...
Feeling that you havent decided if you need me, want me, can sometimes remind me.
Am i your entertainer? Who am i to you? Married not yet, i do understand you.
Married later, ofcourse, but why not taste that word today?
What is it that hurts with the W word? Maybe its me who has faded in your mind.
Maybe you found a better, more interresting home to choose, choosing between me or that home you just found...
Hard decissions takes time to choose, maybe i am your intermission while you choose..?
Sometimes we need to make some small trips to understand that there is a world out there thats belonging to us, just sometimes we need to do that trip...
Words i belive in you, maybe thats why i am scared that i belive too much in them, who knows...
Who knows...
Maybe i have faded a bit in your mind, maybe i am a stranger to you.
Do you remember who i am?
Do you?
I remember every corner in you, who you are. I never forgot who you were or are.
Its night time now, and the darkness have reached the world here, i wonder if i crossed your mind today?
I think not, or maybe i crossed your mind maybe once, or twice...
So i am remembered atleast a bit, so fun.....
I am still me, but still not... I just changed my self for your sake, so we could be happy.
For me it was enough, maybe not for you...
All iknow is that i never loved anyone like you, still i love you the same way as before.
All iknow is that i belong to you, as i belonged before.
Is there still magic between us? Are you sure you want this? Is there room for me in your life?
I hope so, i really hope so....
You know baby... I cant stop loving you, i wount stop loving you...
I could say everythings ok, i could smile and lie, but i rather say i am sad, but iknow i love you.
And i rather say, you make me happy, you, no one else, and then iknow i would be honest to you.
So yes, i am sad, happy with you, and i cant stop loving you...
But something is in the air and that makes me worried.... That air is not in my area...
Love you still as much as before, and that is not a lie....
I love you more then i never thought i could love someone.
Everyday you make me hope for a better day with you.
Sometimes i think maybe i am just kidding me, you dont want me, you only say things so i can calm down and then you can delete me without iknow you pushed that button...
Sometimes iknow that were on right track.
Mind is driving me creazy somedays, i need a shadow of a whiskey, i need to have something strong. Becouse i belive im becoming crazy...
Have you lost your touch to love me? Or is it me whos on the wrong track here?
Iguess i rather feel nothing at all then get hurt....
I need you more then you know, or maybe you know how much i need you...
Feeling that you havent decided if you need me, want me, can sometimes remind me.
Am i your entertainer? Who am i to you? Married not yet, i do understand you.
Married later, ofcourse, but why not taste that word today?
What is it that hurts with the W word? Maybe its me who has faded in your mind.
Maybe you found a better, more interresting home to choose, choosing between me or that home you just found...
Hard decissions takes time to choose, maybe i am your intermission while you choose..?
Sometimes we need to make some small trips to understand that there is a world out there thats belonging to us, just sometimes we need to do that trip...
Words i belive in you, maybe thats why i am scared that i belive too much in them, who knows...
Who knows...
Maybe i have faded a bit in your mind, maybe i am a stranger to you.
Do you remember who i am?
Do you?
I remember every corner in you, who you are. I never forgot who you were or are.
Its night time now, and the darkness have reached the world here, i wonder if i crossed your mind today?
I think not, or maybe i crossed your mind maybe once, or twice...
So i am remembered atleast a bit, so fun.....
I am still me, but still not... I just changed my self for your sake, so we could be happy.
For me it was enough, maybe not for you...
All iknow is that i never loved anyone like you, still i love you the same way as before.
All iknow is that i belong to you, as i belonged before.
Is there still magic between us? Are you sure you want this? Is there room for me in your life?
I hope so, i really hope so....
You know baby... I cant stop loving you, i wount stop loving you...
I could say everythings ok, i could smile and lie, but i rather say i am sad, but iknow i love you.
And i rather say, you make me happy, you, no one else, and then iknow i would be honest to you.
So yes, i am sad, happy with you, and i cant stop loving you...
But something is in the air and that makes me worried.... That air is not in my area...
Love you still as much as before, and that is not a lie....
mirrors on the floor
Forever came too soon, forever seemed to be forever. But i was blinded by my own hate.
Over, it came before i knew the day broke. I said stop, but you never hit the breaks, dreams that should have become true, became thousend small mirrors on the floor...
Blinded by the devil, after all we gone thrue, i still knew somewhere it was a greate misstake, i wiped my tears away.
I wish that i could stay, spend more time with you. But the mirrors was already on the floor.
Is there any right or wrong reason why i packed my bag? All i wanted was to bring us closer, you denied that access...
Days fell over the nights that had died just before the sun had its birth, i couldent shake the thought of you away. I missed the way i wiped your tears away. I always understood your tears, but that day you denied me from wiping them away.
The days grew older, and so did i.
No longer i am that crazy man who walks with a gun in my pocket, today i have hided that gun behind my back.
I wiped once your tears away, in my dreams i always did that, i cant get over you.
All we threw away, theres no right or wrong reason, only the true answer and that is that we never wanted that, we wanted this, wich is spelled FOREVER.
New day came, new night came, and suddenly there you were in multiplye focused one, i smiled at you, i realized i smiled at hundreds of you. Where ever i spoke, i spoke to you.
Where ever i set my eyes i saw you.
Forgotten you never were, reminded you always made me.
Days goes by now, and i dont breath the air, i breath your love, just remember me like you did that day we met, remember me as the one who never faded away, one who never left.
Just remember me, please...
Over, it came before i knew the day broke. I said stop, but you never hit the breaks, dreams that should have become true, became thousend small mirrors on the floor...
Blinded by the devil, after all we gone thrue, i still knew somewhere it was a greate misstake, i wiped my tears away.
I wish that i could stay, spend more time with you. But the mirrors was already on the floor.
Is there any right or wrong reason why i packed my bag? All i wanted was to bring us closer, you denied that access...
Days fell over the nights that had died just before the sun had its birth, i couldent shake the thought of you away. I missed the way i wiped your tears away. I always understood your tears, but that day you denied me from wiping them away.
The days grew older, and so did i.
No longer i am that crazy man who walks with a gun in my pocket, today i have hided that gun behind my back.
I wiped once your tears away, in my dreams i always did that, i cant get over you.
All we threw away, theres no right or wrong reason, only the true answer and that is that we never wanted that, we wanted this, wich is spelled FOREVER.
New day came, new night came, and suddenly there you were in multiplye focused one, i smiled at you, i realized i smiled at hundreds of you. Where ever i spoke, i spoke to you.
Where ever i set my eyes i saw you.
Forgotten you never were, reminded you always made me.
Days goes by now, and i dont breath the air, i breath your love, just remember me like you did that day we met, remember me as the one who never faded away, one who never left.
Just remember me, please...
fredag 18 maj 2012
God and Jesus christ in my heart, this is my point of my wiev
-Who is God? Let us all sit down and take a moment and think who God is for you?
God is the creater of everything, father to us all, he heares us, he belives in us no matter what we are, or how we are.
He created us after him self. God NEVER gives up on us, he wants us to talk to him, as much he wants us to listen to him.
God is not only a God who listens to us, he is a talking God too. He wants to heare us as much he wants you to heare him.
And he always heares us, but we have to learn how to listen to him. He never sais maybe or i think so or anything like that, becouse he has always something to say and he knows what he is talking bout, becouse he is the only one that knows you for truth.
Jesus christ is the son to God, Jesus is the beginning and end in our life, we are born thrue Jesus christ, we all are born as christians, and we die thrue Jesus, he is the first we see when we die.
Jesus is the life, no one comes to our father before coming thrue Jesus first.
He spoke to his apprentices: "The who denies me, denies our father"
All Jesus wants and our lors, is that we live thrue Jesus, have Jesus and our lord as the first assignment in our daily calendar. Now i meen the spiritual calendar.
If we listen to God and Jesus christ, and talk to him as much, he will be happy, becouse that is all Jesus wants, that we give our problems to the Lord and belive he will clense them for us, but before he can do that, then we have to belive that he will do that.
God is a loving god, not hating. He forgives us, he belives in us even that we dont belive in him, he BELIVES in you.
We have alot problems we often say; how am i going to solve this? In work in private we all say this sometimes, but we forgett that the help is much more nearer then we think, just give all problems to God and Jesus christ and he WILL help you, if you truly belive that he will.
Forgive them who you have hurt, let your self be forgiven from them who hurt you.
Bitterness, anger, jealousy is a greate sin, we have to say to our God: "i dont want to feel this, here by i lay down all my jealousy and anger, and belive that you will save me from the devils sin"
And he will do that for you, becouse God loves you no matter what, and he wants to make you feel good bout your self, to love your self.
We can never be rid of bitterness if we dont want that, bitterness and anger is blindness from the devil.
We all have the right to feel anger, but it has to have a purpose, if we feel we are hurt, we have the right to feel angry, but we have to be forgiving too. We cant go around and nurse that anger, becouse it will be to bitterness later. So be angry but relise it as soon as possible and let your worries to God and forgive the one you were angry at.
Life is all about Loving, understanding, beliving, and trusting and listenning.
We have to trust Jesus and the holy God, we have to listen to him talk to him understand him and trust him.
We have to trust our wife, belive in our wife, listen to our wife, talk to our wife, understand our wife.
God gave us a reason to love a woman, so we can give her strength and support, to build a family, be a good husband, always love her as we love God.
We have to listen to Gods truth and deliver that truth to our fellowships, to share the truth with the one we love.
The love you feel when your heart pounds and you feel so hot inside of you, and like the time stands still, and your knees are week, that IS the love God gave us, that is how god wants us to feel to him, to our woman.
So pray to God and try listen to him. It dont hurt, its nothing to be ashamed of, its healthy and you always get help, if you truly belive that and want that.
God is the creater of everything, father to us all, he heares us, he belives in us no matter what we are, or how we are.
He created us after him self. God NEVER gives up on us, he wants us to talk to him, as much he wants us to listen to him.
God is not only a God who listens to us, he is a talking God too. He wants to heare us as much he wants you to heare him.
And he always heares us, but we have to learn how to listen to him. He never sais maybe or i think so or anything like that, becouse he has always something to say and he knows what he is talking bout, becouse he is the only one that knows you for truth.
Jesus christ is the son to God, Jesus is the beginning and end in our life, we are born thrue Jesus christ, we all are born as christians, and we die thrue Jesus, he is the first we see when we die.
Jesus is the life, no one comes to our father before coming thrue Jesus first.
He spoke to his apprentices: "The who denies me, denies our father"
All Jesus wants and our lors, is that we live thrue Jesus, have Jesus and our lord as the first assignment in our daily calendar. Now i meen the spiritual calendar.
If we listen to God and Jesus christ, and talk to him as much, he will be happy, becouse that is all Jesus wants, that we give our problems to the Lord and belive he will clense them for us, but before he can do that, then we have to belive that he will do that.
God is a loving god, not hating. He forgives us, he belives in us even that we dont belive in him, he BELIVES in you.
We have alot problems we often say; how am i going to solve this? In work in private we all say this sometimes, but we forgett that the help is much more nearer then we think, just give all problems to God and Jesus christ and he WILL help you, if you truly belive that he will.
Forgive them who you have hurt, let your self be forgiven from them who hurt you.
Bitterness, anger, jealousy is a greate sin, we have to say to our God: "i dont want to feel this, here by i lay down all my jealousy and anger, and belive that you will save me from the devils sin"
And he will do that for you, becouse God loves you no matter what, and he wants to make you feel good bout your self, to love your self.
We can never be rid of bitterness if we dont want that, bitterness and anger is blindness from the devil.
We all have the right to feel anger, but it has to have a purpose, if we feel we are hurt, we have the right to feel angry, but we have to be forgiving too. We cant go around and nurse that anger, becouse it will be to bitterness later. So be angry but relise it as soon as possible and let your worries to God and forgive the one you were angry at.
Life is all about Loving, understanding, beliving, and trusting and listenning.
We have to trust Jesus and the holy God, we have to listen to him talk to him understand him and trust him.
We have to trust our wife, belive in our wife, listen to our wife, talk to our wife, understand our wife.
God gave us a reason to love a woman, so we can give her strength and support, to build a family, be a good husband, always love her as we love God.
We have to listen to Gods truth and deliver that truth to our fellowships, to share the truth with the one we love.
The love you feel when your heart pounds and you feel so hot inside of you, and like the time stands still, and your knees are week, that IS the love God gave us, that is how god wants us to feel to him, to our woman.
So pray to God and try listen to him. It dont hurt, its nothing to be ashamed of, its healthy and you always get help, if you truly belive that and want that.
torsdag 17 maj 2012
June
If you go down by the road. And if you know i smile for you, then you know its one day in June.
I remember the first day in when the first snow fell. I tryed to be there too, and iknew that day would come.
I see her in all those places, in all those crowded places. In every book i read...
It always seemed like yesterday, when she tought me the touch of romance, we use to dress our self in a smile that sounded foolish to others.
I will go down there just to see you, just to see our first dance. just to remember her smile.
In every corner in my life, i never said goodbye.
I see you among thousend faces, always see her.
Like that french song, like that english downut, like that heart that was finnish, there she was. In his heart.
Every winter, every June, as i remember you, there you are. As i remember you.
One day in June, i promissed you that wedding, and if you still smile for me to know that you still will be there.
Then iknow i can call again after you, just to get my self married to the most beautiful girl there is.
I got a call from my brother, dont let that bother you.
People running fast around me, not even looking at me, like i never existed.
But i never move, i staire at that road where you once stood. I have a tear in my eye, a tear that only explains that i will never die from you.
A wedding in June, a wedding with you.... Dont say good luck, dont say goodbye, just read my book of love....
In all those crowded places, in all those lonely places, a wedding in June... In all those thousend places, i always see her as if you were alone.....
Just a wedding in June.....
I remember the first day in when the first snow fell. I tryed to be there too, and iknew that day would come.
I see her in all those places, in all those crowded places. In every book i read...
It always seemed like yesterday, when she tought me the touch of romance, we use to dress our self in a smile that sounded foolish to others.
I will go down there just to see you, just to see our first dance. just to remember her smile.
In every corner in my life, i never said goodbye.
I see you among thousend faces, always see her.
Like that french song, like that english downut, like that heart that was finnish, there she was. In his heart.
Every winter, every June, as i remember you, there you are. As i remember you.
One day in June, i promissed you that wedding, and if you still smile for me to know that you still will be there.
Then iknow i can call again after you, just to get my self married to the most beautiful girl there is.
I got a call from my brother, dont let that bother you.
People running fast around me, not even looking at me, like i never existed.
But i never move, i staire at that road where you once stood. I have a tear in my eye, a tear that only explains that i will never die from you.
A wedding in June, a wedding with you.... Dont say good luck, dont say goodbye, just read my book of love....
In all those crowded places, in all those lonely places, a wedding in June... In all those thousend places, i always see her as if you were alone.....
Just a wedding in June.....
onsdag 16 maj 2012
For the love of my princess....
A girl with ebenholz dark hair, and eyes deep as an ocean, i stood there maybe for a life time and drowned in her eyes while she was smiling.
Her smile could easily melt the hardest steele that was made by a barbarian blacksmiths hand.
the drowning in her, i felt no pain, no struggles after life that was fading. I dident feel no pain.
I felt gods love thrue her eyes. But there she stood, all silent and wonderful.
I smiled becouse her look drilled in my heart like the fastest sharpest arrow that was relised from the bows string by the sharpest shooter in Notthingham.
There the pain was, the pain to only be able to see her 1 second and know that she might never again be back.
The pain that kills wich hunter as it self on a one beautiful morning.
The silent bound we shared between was beautiful as much as it gave the heart its pain.
If i dreamed now, i would never again want to wake up.
The girl with ebenholz dark hair and the look that erased every other girl that had gone me by, there she was.
And the only thing that stood between our bridge was the world, the world beyond valleys and mountains and rivers, but still i saw her for one second, then she was gone, maybe for now, maybe for ever....
Its strange how a man lives day after day, houers after houers for only this one second moment, how he burns in hope to just meet her once more, if only for once more...
The man she looked upon, was crying, not becouse of the pain, becouse of her beauty, and the moment he felt.
There she was, maybe now, maybe never again.... who knows if not god.
One day i hope we can meet again and spend the night in romance, one day i hope...
... if she dident forgot his love for her, then maybe, just maybe she will again meet him, in same magicall moment as before...
Her smile could easily melt the hardest steele that was made by a barbarian blacksmiths hand.
the drowning in her, i felt no pain, no struggles after life that was fading. I dident feel no pain.
I felt gods love thrue her eyes. But there she stood, all silent and wonderful.
I smiled becouse her look drilled in my heart like the fastest sharpest arrow that was relised from the bows string by the sharpest shooter in Notthingham.
There the pain was, the pain to only be able to see her 1 second and know that she might never again be back.
The pain that kills wich hunter as it self on a one beautiful morning.
The silent bound we shared between was beautiful as much as it gave the heart its pain.
If i dreamed now, i would never again want to wake up.
The girl with ebenholz dark hair and the look that erased every other girl that had gone me by, there she was.
And the only thing that stood between our bridge was the world, the world beyond valleys and mountains and rivers, but still i saw her for one second, then she was gone, maybe for now, maybe for ever....
Its strange how a man lives day after day, houers after houers for only this one second moment, how he burns in hope to just meet her once more, if only for once more...
The man she looked upon, was crying, not becouse of the pain, becouse of her beauty, and the moment he felt.
There she was, maybe now, maybe never again.... who knows if not god.
One day i hope we can meet again and spend the night in romance, one day i hope...
... if she dident forgot his love for her, then maybe, just maybe she will again meet him, in same magicall moment as before...
söndag 13 maj 2012
Just another sight of Collins
She calls out to me. But i am not there to answer her.
I walk on, doesent look back, i pretend i can hear her. Still i think twice before reaching my paradise.
Its just another day in another paradise.
Think about it...
She calls out to me, you can see i have been crying, you trying, you doubting...
Still another day in our paradise.
Oh so long i have been, nothing anybody can do.
There must be something you can say.
Tell me something from the lines from my face you see.
You did fit in there, in our paradise.
We did think twice, and we did.
Think about it, just another day for you and me, in paradise.
For you and me.....
In paradise, there we still will be.....
Sir can you help me, iknow its cold.
But theres a way you can tell me, she pretended she could heare her, i did heare her.
She calls out to the man on the street, and shes been crying, i saw that.
I never did think twice when her tears fell on the cheek, i whiped them and asked her hand.
Her hand to kiss and ask if its awailable for my heart....
She answered me by saying.......................................
I walk on, doesent look back, i pretend i can hear her. Still i think twice before reaching my paradise.
Its just another day in another paradise.
Think about it...
She calls out to me, you can see i have been crying, you trying, you doubting...
Still another day in our paradise.
Oh so long i have been, nothing anybody can do.
There must be something you can say.
Tell me something from the lines from my face you see.
You did fit in there, in our paradise.
We did think twice, and we did.
Think about it, just another day for you and me, in paradise.
For you and me.....
In paradise, there we still will be.....
Sir can you help me, iknow its cold.
But theres a way you can tell me, she pretended she could heare her, i did heare her.
She calls out to the man on the street, and shes been crying, i saw that.
I never did think twice when her tears fell on the cheek, i whiped them and asked her hand.
Her hand to kiss and ask if its awailable for my heart....
She answered me by saying.......................................
Dreamers silhuette
We have come along since that day, just that fading sihuette.
We have reached for so long after new grounds to stand on.
We never made it before, oh kings and queens made it, thou we aint no royal.
We are flesh and bones, Just like that Alice in that wonderland.
We never had that dream, i still longing after that kiss.
Fast forward, it was all there in plain sight, in old school.
We are yet new borns in gods eyes.
Still we have come so long that day we dreamed of.
Its just a silhuette in a mirror from a shadow that we shared.
fast rewind and we find the plain treasure that haunted us for nothing.
lead the way that leads us to the new found. Since then, we always saw us as new born.
New born inlove, we never looked back.
Never again we look back, becouse we are just silhuettes in a game called life.
Dreams are inlove to us, dreams are made for us, kings can dream, but we are sneaking with it.
Just like alice did.
Drums beating faster, its our hearts. oceans storming in our vains, its our love.
We are the new found in a dream we live on mother earth.
We have come long way since back then, we still can climb...
Take my hand and we fly over oceans and rivers of wild.
Take my hand and i give you a smile and a dream to look forward to...
You told me once; Fast forward, will you?
i took a big step and granted you the old school you asked after.
Today we are silhuettes in our own dream we dear to dream and live.
Its happend before, it still happends, just belive in it, becouse we are dreamers and real...
We have reached for so long after new grounds to stand on.
We never made it before, oh kings and queens made it, thou we aint no royal.
We are flesh and bones, Just like that Alice in that wonderland.
We never had that dream, i still longing after that kiss.
Fast forward, it was all there in plain sight, in old school.
We are yet new borns in gods eyes.
Still we have come so long that day we dreamed of.
Its just a silhuette in a mirror from a shadow that we shared.
fast rewind and we find the plain treasure that haunted us for nothing.
lead the way that leads us to the new found. Since then, we always saw us as new born.
New born inlove, we never looked back.
Never again we look back, becouse we are just silhuettes in a game called life.
Dreams are inlove to us, dreams are made for us, kings can dream, but we are sneaking with it.
Just like alice did.
Drums beating faster, its our hearts. oceans storming in our vains, its our love.
We are the new found in a dream we live on mother earth.
We have come long way since back then, we still can climb...
Take my hand and we fly over oceans and rivers of wild.
Take my hand and i give you a smile and a dream to look forward to...
You told me once; Fast forward, will you?
i took a big step and granted you the old school you asked after.
Today we are silhuettes in our own dream we dear to dream and live.
Its happend before, it still happends, just belive in it, becouse we are dreamers and real...
lördag 12 maj 2012
My last breath taken from my truth
-I wonder what i might have turned out to be if i never crossed that street that one day in october 1986, i wonder where i might have been if i never started to talk to my ex that summer dau 1999...
All roads leads to something. I wonder where my road had been leading me? Maybe somewhere where i would never have hurted my baby, maybe she would have been happyer now if she dident know me at all, who knows.
Maybe i can never restore the happyness in her, maybe i never can reach to her anymore, but you have to understand that not be belived in 6 months by the only one you beg for to belive you, that is so frustrating and anger creating, so one day the glass was full, and i did something i do regret.
We can all snow us in that what i did or what she did, but what is the most important, that i am here and willing to forgive her for all her flaws, and move on with her. Or we can discuss this over and over and dont come anywhere...
Bitterness is a blindness it makes us blind from the truth, its a sin from satan him self.
Only we can remove that, if we want.
I am not proud over much in my life, but i am damn proud over my baby.
Sure things could be diffrent, me here she there and we still had our arguments, instead of how its now, me here she there me loving her to death never want any fights or arguments, just to give love...
Yea things could really be diffrent.
Maybe she do can find a better guy out there, iknow that there is, but will she ever find a guy whos willing to die for her, put her in first room in everything, listen to her understand her, be romantic to her, give her time to be her self and love her for that, love her flaws and mistakes as much as her heart...
Sure try find a guy whos all that at same time...
I am that guy, i am diffrent, very honest and never tell a lie to her... I am not perfect, i am not an angel, but sure as hell iknow how to love her in her way.
If my love aint strong enough to repair the damage i cost, then help me god please.
I give time to heale, but i let her heale in knowlidge that i am always here and catch her when she falls.
If 2 people love each other, should them go separate ways? For what, why? Becouse they both hurted each other as bad once? If both are the sinners in a relationship, but still loves each other, then there is a way to be healed and restored.
I am not restored, i am still hurt becouse i am not still belived by her, but did i leave again? No i dident, becouse i really meen that now, i really do want this forever. people can grow inside of them, atleast i can coz i try to learn from my mistakes... That is important to learn from our mistakes thats how we gow stronger and develoap us from stupid to ok....
I can sit here and throw away alot moral cookies for you all, but im tired of that now, i have said the most inkow bout love and life here... I dont know how much more there is for me to say...
All iknow atleast is that i never spoke a single lie here, neither did i to my baby, so where that doubting of her to me came from i dont know. But i came back ey? And that was my purpose to come back again, just read my blog: when the sky is purple-red i will be standing next to you and smile again......
I aint no smarty, no i aint i just wanna be taken for my word of honour and be belived so i can get my fucking rest in my damn grave someday... Life is too short to throw away to the pigs, let her know what you feel for her and let her make the decission if she wants you or not.
I told her what i want, she told me, so what the fuck are we wating for? Maybe we aint wating for anything, but sure as hell aslong the status of relationship is on single, then you must be wating on something... Maybe better times, maybe a better guy to come to her, maybe nothing, maybe baby.......
I am wating on one single thing, and its to die happy, without her i am not happy...
Im here for her always, she wants me well stop laughing at me and get this relation on going and change tht fucking status to what i sent you: IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.
This is the last letter in what happend me the past week, and i will return to my blogs blueprint again and mix my truth with feelings wich are shaken to some lyrics from some songs.
Hope you who reads this dont doubt me and hopefully you understand that im just a human who can do mistakes. Im not perfect never will be, but i meen when i say that i am here for you baby and im staying for good, wanna try something beautiful? Then try and stay with me and you shall know i ment every letter in staying for good.
We all know how to make us happy, and my babylove is the one i can only be happy with.
My name is Michael, and now you know who i am, a simple guy who headed against the stars and fell of somewhere in the middle....
Thank you for have been reading my misery. Back to basic again MR HELLBOY
All roads leads to something. I wonder where my road had been leading me? Maybe somewhere where i would never have hurted my baby, maybe she would have been happyer now if she dident know me at all, who knows.
Maybe i can never restore the happyness in her, maybe i never can reach to her anymore, but you have to understand that not be belived in 6 months by the only one you beg for to belive you, that is so frustrating and anger creating, so one day the glass was full, and i did something i do regret.
We can all snow us in that what i did or what she did, but what is the most important, that i am here and willing to forgive her for all her flaws, and move on with her. Or we can discuss this over and over and dont come anywhere...
Bitterness is a blindness it makes us blind from the truth, its a sin from satan him self.
Only we can remove that, if we want.
I am not proud over much in my life, but i am damn proud over my baby.
Sure things could be diffrent, me here she there and we still had our arguments, instead of how its now, me here she there me loving her to death never want any fights or arguments, just to give love...
Yea things could really be diffrent.
Maybe she do can find a better guy out there, iknow that there is, but will she ever find a guy whos willing to die for her, put her in first room in everything, listen to her understand her, be romantic to her, give her time to be her self and love her for that, love her flaws and mistakes as much as her heart...
Sure try find a guy whos all that at same time...
I am that guy, i am diffrent, very honest and never tell a lie to her... I am not perfect, i am not an angel, but sure as hell iknow how to love her in her way.
If my love aint strong enough to repair the damage i cost, then help me god please.
I give time to heale, but i let her heale in knowlidge that i am always here and catch her when she falls.
If 2 people love each other, should them go separate ways? For what, why? Becouse they both hurted each other as bad once? If both are the sinners in a relationship, but still loves each other, then there is a way to be healed and restored.
I am not restored, i am still hurt becouse i am not still belived by her, but did i leave again? No i dident, becouse i really meen that now, i really do want this forever. people can grow inside of them, atleast i can coz i try to learn from my mistakes... That is important to learn from our mistakes thats how we gow stronger and develoap us from stupid to ok....
I can sit here and throw away alot moral cookies for you all, but im tired of that now, i have said the most inkow bout love and life here... I dont know how much more there is for me to say...
All iknow atleast is that i never spoke a single lie here, neither did i to my baby, so where that doubting of her to me came from i dont know. But i came back ey? And that was my purpose to come back again, just read my blog: when the sky is purple-red i will be standing next to you and smile again......
I aint no smarty, no i aint i just wanna be taken for my word of honour and be belived so i can get my fucking rest in my damn grave someday... Life is too short to throw away to the pigs, let her know what you feel for her and let her make the decission if she wants you or not.
I told her what i want, she told me, so what the fuck are we wating for? Maybe we aint wating for anything, but sure as hell aslong the status of relationship is on single, then you must be wating on something... Maybe better times, maybe a better guy to come to her, maybe nothing, maybe baby.......
I am wating on one single thing, and its to die happy, without her i am not happy...
Im here for her always, she wants me well stop laughing at me and get this relation on going and change tht fucking status to what i sent you: IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.
This is the last letter in what happend me the past week, and i will return to my blogs blueprint again and mix my truth with feelings wich are shaken to some lyrics from some songs.
Hope you who reads this dont doubt me and hopefully you understand that im just a human who can do mistakes. Im not perfect never will be, but i meen when i say that i am here for you baby and im staying for good, wanna try something beautiful? Then try and stay with me and you shall know i ment every letter in staying for good.
We all know how to make us happy, and my babylove is the one i can only be happy with.
My name is Michael, and now you know who i am, a simple guy who headed against the stars and fell of somewhere in the middle....
Thank you for have been reading my misery. Back to basic again MR HELLBOY
All i ever wanted to be
-What is evil and what is good?
Brain is evil, and heart is good, god created them both, but kept the heart clean from evil.
Satan took the only thing he knew that human could be falling easy for his tricks; the brain. Becouse he knew that the human belives in what he wants, and by planting evil shit in the head and mind of a human he can get what he wants.
By denying Jesus christ, we deny the way to our lord. If you doubt in me, you deny me, its the same.
How many ways is there to tell the truth? So many ways, but there is only one proof to show that i tell the truth.
By showing it the death way. I never cared much of my own life, i never liked me.
I always wanted to be taken seriously, but i never were taken seriously not even as a child. People tramped on me, dident care for my feelings. If all this starts as a child, this missbehave against one, then it rolls and rolls to a big pile of snow, and one day that snowball will destroy so much in its way, and you cant bearly stop it from rolling over innocents.
Something happend with me some week ago, it dident happen at once, it came slowly in 4 days.
I felt like i had been eating something really bad one afternoon, i never understood what it was, i was feeling disgusted to food, stomach pains, i was worried what happend with my body, and tryed to forgett the pain and move on, but i couldent.
Second day came and i felt worser, and so on for the 3rd day and 4th day...
But when the 4th day arrived i had been doing some things i never knew would happen, i had been forgiving my mother after 33 years, and the most important; my love for my baby had been shown for me that it had been there all along even when i tryed to push it away becouse i was so angry, making me so angry that i am furious in 3 weeks row, is pretty well done, no body has ever achieved that, you know why? Becouse no one have ever achieved to make me so inlove to a girl as my babylove has done. So my anger was nothing but a huge love that had turned out to a dissepointment to her, so i took a choise, not to hurt her coz i was bout to hurt her more then i ever could dream of, cheet just to proov to her that i was telling the truth all the time, she doubted me 6 months and i just had enough to never be belived for the one i love. So i took a choise not to hurt her the worst way, and i let her go.
Today iknow i did wrong, i should have done something to calm me down and tryed to master her way of thinking.
Never do anything out of rage.
So theres always something good in bad, my goodness was that i forgave my mum, and that i found the old me who i was when my baby found me.
Were young we have alot time to spend together, and i will spend every single second of the rest of my life with my baby by trying to tell how deeply i do love her.
I am not smart, i am not any goodlooking guy or handsome, there is so many more that has better qualityes then me, i am not strong with a yummie body, but i have a very beautiful love to give, very romantic mind to share.
My way of thinking is small, but honest, if you want from your heart a ugly guy who has nothing to offer in the body and strength way, then choose me. If you want a handsome guy who has a good looking body, you know those you see on the beach and in movies and all, please i am not that one, never can i be.
And to be with someone and like others is so forbidden and so wrong.
I choosed my baby 1,5 years ago coz she was sooo sexy, so handsome soooo beautiful, i never had seen a girl that beautiful as she, never. And she gave me the kind of love and understanding nobody ever had done, so you can imagine, a girl who pleases my eyes more then any girl have done, and pleases my heart more then anyone ever done, so yeah i was like a fool standing in the rain, i was compleatley in love in everyway.
Still are. Nothing have ever changed, i talked to her via video chat on skype, and i fell in tears, i cryed, becouse i saw her, and thats why i cryed, just becouse she is so beautiful...
A man who cryes becouse of his womans beauty, well you do the math....
I love her so much, so much...... Im worried im too much annoying with my words, but i have to tell her, i feel that so much. Its never wrong to say too many times what you feel for your girl...
I never liked me, and that had the impact on me that she dident like me she just picked me coz she was bored, but she really felt what everybody else; nothing deep to me.
ALL i ever wanted to be, was the best for a girl, the most handsome she ever seen, the best in giving love everything......
Becouse all i ever wanted was to be romantic and sweet. And treat her so gentel and wonderful.
Never harm her, never hurt her, never cheet her, never lie to her. And i found her, and i wish i could be all i ever wanted to her.
I love her like never before, and i miss her to death. So much i miss her...
Call me sissy, and i fucking crack your head open wide, a guy is not a sissy when he shows love and romance, fuck you all who thinks that. I bet you all are soo tough, but when it comes to a girl i bet you are too scared to sacrifice your own life for her, but guess what, i starved my self 4 days just for my babys love, and my plan WAS to kill me, coz i am not gonna live a single day if i cant be with her. AND I MEEN IT!!!!!!!
I cant live if i havent her in my life, i tryed with so many ways, but ended all the time in same corner, that i miss her hat i am suppose to be with her. So its either her or death.
Iknow she loves me, and me her, thats so good, so why try not be with each other huh?
Anyway...
Im a hopeless idiot iknow that, but i am a guy who fell once so hardly inlove to a very beautiful girl, and still i am so hopelessly inlove to her. And i just wanna give her my world.
I love you so much!!!!!!!
Brain is evil, and heart is good, god created them both, but kept the heart clean from evil.
Satan took the only thing he knew that human could be falling easy for his tricks; the brain. Becouse he knew that the human belives in what he wants, and by planting evil shit in the head and mind of a human he can get what he wants.
By denying Jesus christ, we deny the way to our lord. If you doubt in me, you deny me, its the same.
How many ways is there to tell the truth? So many ways, but there is only one proof to show that i tell the truth.
By showing it the death way. I never cared much of my own life, i never liked me.
I always wanted to be taken seriously, but i never were taken seriously not even as a child. People tramped on me, dident care for my feelings. If all this starts as a child, this missbehave against one, then it rolls and rolls to a big pile of snow, and one day that snowball will destroy so much in its way, and you cant bearly stop it from rolling over innocents.
Something happend with me some week ago, it dident happen at once, it came slowly in 4 days.
I felt like i had been eating something really bad one afternoon, i never understood what it was, i was feeling disgusted to food, stomach pains, i was worried what happend with my body, and tryed to forgett the pain and move on, but i couldent.
Second day came and i felt worser, and so on for the 3rd day and 4th day...
But when the 4th day arrived i had been doing some things i never knew would happen, i had been forgiving my mother after 33 years, and the most important; my love for my baby had been shown for me that it had been there all along even when i tryed to push it away becouse i was so angry, making me so angry that i am furious in 3 weeks row, is pretty well done, no body has ever achieved that, you know why? Becouse no one have ever achieved to make me so inlove to a girl as my babylove has done. So my anger was nothing but a huge love that had turned out to a dissepointment to her, so i took a choise, not to hurt her coz i was bout to hurt her more then i ever could dream of, cheet just to proov to her that i was telling the truth all the time, she doubted me 6 months and i just had enough to never be belived for the one i love. So i took a choise not to hurt her the worst way, and i let her go.
Today iknow i did wrong, i should have done something to calm me down and tryed to master her way of thinking.
Never do anything out of rage.
So theres always something good in bad, my goodness was that i forgave my mum, and that i found the old me who i was when my baby found me.
Were young we have alot time to spend together, and i will spend every single second of the rest of my life with my baby by trying to tell how deeply i do love her.
I am not smart, i am not any goodlooking guy or handsome, there is so many more that has better qualityes then me, i am not strong with a yummie body, but i have a very beautiful love to give, very romantic mind to share.
My way of thinking is small, but honest, if you want from your heart a ugly guy who has nothing to offer in the body and strength way, then choose me. If you want a handsome guy who has a good looking body, you know those you see on the beach and in movies and all, please i am not that one, never can i be.
And to be with someone and like others is so forbidden and so wrong.
I choosed my baby 1,5 years ago coz she was sooo sexy, so handsome soooo beautiful, i never had seen a girl that beautiful as she, never. And she gave me the kind of love and understanding nobody ever had done, so you can imagine, a girl who pleases my eyes more then any girl have done, and pleases my heart more then anyone ever done, so yeah i was like a fool standing in the rain, i was compleatley in love in everyway.
Still are. Nothing have ever changed, i talked to her via video chat on skype, and i fell in tears, i cryed, becouse i saw her, and thats why i cryed, just becouse she is so beautiful...
A man who cryes becouse of his womans beauty, well you do the math....
I love her so much, so much...... Im worried im too much annoying with my words, but i have to tell her, i feel that so much. Its never wrong to say too many times what you feel for your girl...
I never liked me, and that had the impact on me that she dident like me she just picked me coz she was bored, but she really felt what everybody else; nothing deep to me.
ALL i ever wanted to be, was the best for a girl, the most handsome she ever seen, the best in giving love everything......
Becouse all i ever wanted was to be romantic and sweet. And treat her so gentel and wonderful.
Never harm her, never hurt her, never cheet her, never lie to her. And i found her, and i wish i could be all i ever wanted to her.
I love her like never before, and i miss her to death. So much i miss her...
Call me sissy, and i fucking crack your head open wide, a guy is not a sissy when he shows love and romance, fuck you all who thinks that. I bet you all are soo tough, but when it comes to a girl i bet you are too scared to sacrifice your own life for her, but guess what, i starved my self 4 days just for my babys love, and my plan WAS to kill me, coz i am not gonna live a single day if i cant be with her. AND I MEEN IT!!!!!!!
I cant live if i havent her in my life, i tryed with so many ways, but ended all the time in same corner, that i miss her hat i am suppose to be with her. So its either her or death.
Iknow she loves me, and me her, thats so good, so why try not be with each other huh?
Anyway...
Im a hopeless idiot iknow that, but i am a guy who fell once so hardly inlove to a very beautiful girl, and still i am so hopelessly inlove to her. And i just wanna give her my world.
I love you so much!!!!!!!
fredag 11 maj 2012
I wount stop this love, no matter what they say
She was dancing thrue the wind, never looking more beautiful.
The day couldent be more beautiful or wonderful then her.
The distance and space between us, had came to show us how to miss someone.
Our heart vowed storyes we belived in, storyes of love.
Our heart spunn as a machine motor that just wanted to be touched.
We touched our hearts, in our way.
One true time, one day we will be there, holding and loving each other.
Becouse the belife will grant us what we deserve.
Your here, in my heart, just where i want you to be.
I saw you there behind that screen, i cryed becouse i never seen more beautiful girl then you, still i have seen you thousends of times.
Everyday i see you, its like the first time when i saw you.
You make me smile, everyday, everyday i am proud over you.
We survived those evil words of what people told us; You will never make it...
But we have and we will make it, becouse we belive in the impossible kind of love that is possible for us.
You carryed me away, and i am here to stay. We told us that we can make it work, and we did.
Iknow i found my star, iknow i found my love.... In you...
Never stop loving me, becouse i never stop loving you, we are strong enough to fight for this life.
I kissed you so many times in my world, i hugged you so many times when you were asleep.
I look at you so many times when you are sleeping, so calm, so beautiful.
There you lying, in your bed, breathing so slow and heavy, and i wish it was my cheek you were breathing at.
Oh i wish so dearly.
I wish i was the one that saw you this morning instead of your friend, i wish it was me who gave you that thing you bought in the shop, then i would see you deep in your eyes, but i am just a guy whos very inlove to you behind a screem thousends of miles away from you, but still i belive that one day... Only one day you will love me more then you love that guy behind that screen.
Do you really love me as you say? I cant bearly belive it, becouse it feels so unreal, so beautiful girl loves me as she sayes.... Its a dream i dream and trying to fight for in reality.
Oh yes you do love me, oh yes i do belive, but it feels so unreal, just becouse you wearing that kind of beauty that never looked at me with same eyes as you do.
I feel like i won a million dollars on the lottery, why, just becouse i got you one winter night.
"Cant stop, i cant stop this love no matter what they say, i love you. Cant stop, cant stop, they say i love you"
No matter what they say, i will never stop loving you.... Never...
Let me cry my love, let me shade my tears for you, to the ground you are standing on, so the love in you can grow, and be watered by the tears of love from me.
Forever i will love you, no matter what.... Just forever....
The day couldent be more beautiful or wonderful then her.
The distance and space between us, had came to show us how to miss someone.
Our heart vowed storyes we belived in, storyes of love.
Our heart spunn as a machine motor that just wanted to be touched.
We touched our hearts, in our way.
One true time, one day we will be there, holding and loving each other.
Becouse the belife will grant us what we deserve.
Your here, in my heart, just where i want you to be.
I saw you there behind that screen, i cryed becouse i never seen more beautiful girl then you, still i have seen you thousends of times.
Everyday i see you, its like the first time when i saw you.
You make me smile, everyday, everyday i am proud over you.
We survived those evil words of what people told us; You will never make it...
But we have and we will make it, becouse we belive in the impossible kind of love that is possible for us.
You carryed me away, and i am here to stay. We told us that we can make it work, and we did.
Iknow i found my star, iknow i found my love.... In you...
Never stop loving me, becouse i never stop loving you, we are strong enough to fight for this life.
I kissed you so many times in my world, i hugged you so many times when you were asleep.
I look at you so many times when you are sleeping, so calm, so beautiful.
There you lying, in your bed, breathing so slow and heavy, and i wish it was my cheek you were breathing at.
Oh i wish so dearly.
I wish i was the one that saw you this morning instead of your friend, i wish it was me who gave you that thing you bought in the shop, then i would see you deep in your eyes, but i am just a guy whos very inlove to you behind a screem thousends of miles away from you, but still i belive that one day... Only one day you will love me more then you love that guy behind that screen.
Do you really love me as you say? I cant bearly belive it, becouse it feels so unreal, so beautiful girl loves me as she sayes.... Its a dream i dream and trying to fight for in reality.
Oh yes you do love me, oh yes i do belive, but it feels so unreal, just becouse you wearing that kind of beauty that never looked at me with same eyes as you do.
I feel like i won a million dollars on the lottery, why, just becouse i got you one winter night.
"Cant stop, i cant stop this love no matter what they say, i love you. Cant stop, cant stop, they say i love you"
No matter what they say, i will never stop loving you.... Never...
Let me cry my love, let me shade my tears for you, to the ground you are standing on, so the love in you can grow, and be watered by the tears of love from me.
Forever i will love you, no matter what.... Just forever....
torsdag 10 maj 2012
How to treat a lady
-Ive been thinking bout guys whos disrespecting their woman.
I never liked a guy who hits a girl, and i never liked guys whos treating there girl as a slave, take that "shoping food" scenario, i saw a guy and his gal who were shoping, and when they were bout to pay, then he let her pay and pack the grosseries, and he went from the store while she was packing, and before when they stood in the line wating to pay he was like calling her alot names and behaved as like a slave owner, and i just saw the sadness in her eyes. He just let her pay and pack the stuff and dident give a shit bout her. I hate that, thats not how to treat a lady.
A girl needs to be treated respectfully, and nice, ok we all can be angry, but the important is that we try be nice and respectful.
When you meet a girl, you dont say: can i fuck you, or hi baby you looking good huh.... Just stop drewling you fuck...
No no nooo show her that you are interrested in HER who she is, where she comes from, never stop asking bout her, show that you truly are interrested in her and what she has to say, not what underweare she weares or how her breasts looks like...
Shes a human she needs to be treated with intelligens.
Be romantic after you two had a good chat, show her carefully that you are more then just interrested as a friend, nooo no nooo dont think about it, dont fucking think you show her your dick and think you are romantic... NO!!! You tell her what you think bout her beauty, how you would like to spend time hand in hand together under the sky filled with stars. And all this romantic stuff dont lie, say things you want to do.
I told my baby i wanna lye there under a sky filled with stars and pick a star for her, i dident just say it, i MENT it, i meen it i want and going to give her that, just becouse i love her and i want her to feel special with truth.
My babys a woman a human being she needs to be treated with respect and caress and love.
I wanna show her that i am interrested in her... Who she is coz i LOVE her for who she truly are.
Sex, yeah you get that too belive me....
So dont just stand there and show your selfs as some fooled asses who has nothing behind your ears.
Just be your self, calm and interrested in her, who she is... And for christ sake be romantic in honest way.
So now i got that said from my head... Shit this blog has lost its purpose, its not anymore a word-playing-truth blog... I promiss i will behave next time.
I never liked a guy who hits a girl, and i never liked guys whos treating there girl as a slave, take that "shoping food" scenario, i saw a guy and his gal who were shoping, and when they were bout to pay, then he let her pay and pack the grosseries, and he went from the store while she was packing, and before when they stood in the line wating to pay he was like calling her alot names and behaved as like a slave owner, and i just saw the sadness in her eyes. He just let her pay and pack the stuff and dident give a shit bout her. I hate that, thats not how to treat a lady.
A girl needs to be treated respectfully, and nice, ok we all can be angry, but the important is that we try be nice and respectful.
When you meet a girl, you dont say: can i fuck you, or hi baby you looking good huh.... Just stop drewling you fuck...
No no nooo show her that you are interrested in HER who she is, where she comes from, never stop asking bout her, show that you truly are interrested in her and what she has to say, not what underweare she weares or how her breasts looks like...
Shes a human she needs to be treated with intelligens.
Be romantic after you two had a good chat, show her carefully that you are more then just interrested as a friend, nooo no nooo dont think about it, dont fucking think you show her your dick and think you are romantic... NO!!! You tell her what you think bout her beauty, how you would like to spend time hand in hand together under the sky filled with stars. And all this romantic stuff dont lie, say things you want to do.
I told my baby i wanna lye there under a sky filled with stars and pick a star for her, i dident just say it, i MENT it, i meen it i want and going to give her that, just becouse i love her and i want her to feel special with truth.
My babys a woman a human being she needs to be treated with respect and caress and love.
I wanna show her that i am interrested in her... Who she is coz i LOVE her for who she truly are.
Sex, yeah you get that too belive me....
So dont just stand there and show your selfs as some fooled asses who has nothing behind your ears.
Just be your self, calm and interrested in her, who she is... And for christ sake be romantic in honest way.
So now i got that said from my head... Shit this blog has lost its purpose, its not anymore a word-playing-truth blog... I promiss i will behave next time.
My moon party
Im thinking of you everyday. With love in my eyes, hate behind me.
Inviding you to my moon party, silent nights stood on the menu.
I think im starting to understand that you will be arriving littlebit later.
I will give you one peace of my cake, you smelling sulfur and sweat, but i dont care, i invited you to my moon party.
Im thinking of you everyday with hate behind me, on the moon i will buy you a smoke and a drink.
Make you drunk and tell you storys of fear and beauty when i drill inside of you.
Later i buy you a smoke and a cake.
Your arrive seemed to be spoiled away with love from a stranger.
I never said anything to you.
Your lipstick showed me what i was asking, and your smell of new bloomed love told me the worse part.
Still you arrived to my moon party, where the night was our host.
The menu i showed you, you never cared.
Make you drunk and tell you storys of fear and beauty when i drill my self inside of you.
Your cave was already drilled before partying with me....
I invited you to my moon party and you arrived later then the menu told me that you would do...
Inviding you to my moon party, silent nights stood on the menu.
I think im starting to understand that you will be arriving littlebit later.
I will give you one peace of my cake, you smelling sulfur and sweat, but i dont care, i invited you to my moon party.
Im thinking of you everyday with hate behind me, on the moon i will buy you a smoke and a drink.
Make you drunk and tell you storys of fear and beauty when i drill inside of you.
Later i buy you a smoke and a cake.
Your arrive seemed to be spoiled away with love from a stranger.
I never said anything to you.
Your lipstick showed me what i was asking, and your smell of new bloomed love told me the worse part.
Still you arrived to my moon party, where the night was our host.
The menu i showed you, you never cared.
Make you drunk and tell you storys of fear and beauty when i drill my self inside of you.
Your cave was already drilled before partying with me....
I invited you to my moon party and you arrived later then the menu told me that you would do...
onsdag 9 maj 2012
One late winter day
-I remember one late winter day. Life couldent be more unfair that cold night.
Snow dident fall that eavning, it bearly was on the ground.
The air was thick with a smell that reminded me very much bout the nature, it was hardwood oil that had been smelling in there for 25 houers.
My friend he had not much to do, not more then complain over me and the work.
Pain was so awful, it was like a horse kick in my stomach.
Just to rise up was a awful pain, a nightmare.
It was dark outside, as it is on winter nights....
I had alot resting, becouse working was not a prioritet number one even if i wanted that.
I had over 30 houers of work in my legs that nighyt, so the tiredness was a fact, and the pain.
That night i had many breaks, many small sleeping breaks on 5 minutes, 10 minutes, but not more then 10.
The work had to be done, and i had the most of the knowlidge, not him.
It was hard, that night.
The time hit its houer, and from nowhere my phone told me that somebody is at your door.
Ofcourse i was curious, i was in pain and hoped that there was something interresting to rest my eyes on and my mind, but i told my self, why would it be when it never was before now...
But so wrong i can be sometimes, and in this matter i am happy i am wrong.
In front of me i saw the most beautiful girl i ever seen, who dearly wanted to speak to me... A loonatic? A crazy girl?
Yea i thought that becouse that was what i was used to, but i had 6 letters in my mail box, and it couldent be any loonatic or crazy girl, it could only be someone who wanted dearly speak with me... What now did somebody die?
Yea somebody had died once, not just somebody, her love had been dead for a long time.
She asked me where i was, what are you doing, why dont you answer me, add me please....
I did what she wanted, i answered: i am working im in pain, ok i add you....
I added a girl who was the most beautiful i ever seen, but i was so careful, becouse i had been fooled before so my heart dident let in who ever...
We started to talk, to chat. Time went and only after a short time, i heard something i never heard before, in was supriced, not scared, becouse the feeling was a warm summer breeze against my cheek that cold winter night, she asked me: can i call you baby?
I said: sure ofcourse you can...
Time went it became ours. Minutes became houers, houers became happyness and the pain never was there in short times. I was smiling for the first time in many years, you know that smile that only love can bring fourth.
Time went that night, and time became a phone call, a phone call from a forreign land cross the rivers of baltic ocean and the hills of europe.
time felt like it stood still, i stood there on the hardwood floor nervous becouse how you talk nice and respectfully to the most beautiful girl you ever seen without shouting i love you, but i did as good i could, i walked around with a stomach as pain as the worst fever. So i decided, i had been nice and respectfull, and i would continniou that becouse she brought the best out of me by only smiling, so i droped the bomb 1 meter from the nature stone floor on the hardwood floor in Siemens restaurant one late winterday January 15th 2011, i dropped the bomb, i told her i love you, and it was the best i ever done, my whole world changed that night.
What i knew that present time was that this is the girl i will marry, and love whole my life, i just knew it inside of my heart.
Time has passed after that cold night in January, we live in 2012 now, we had ups and downs just like a couple have, but we have something not them all have, we have that magic that can survive every deep problem, every big fight, we are just 2 people who is still today after 1,5 years still so inlove so inlove.
And she really was what i felt that time; my deep forever love, my love of my life.
This is a real story with real feelings.
Love you forever babylove
tisdag 8 maj 2012
What love is in my heart
Love is a powerful tool... It is fragile and very beautiful.
Dreams are a part of love, if you never dream of love, how can you know it then?
Love makes us crazy, dangerous, it makes us go thrue the lines of what we else would never pass thrue.
We have to fight for what we belive in our heart, speacially with love, fight so hard and never give up.
NEVER EVER PLAY WITH SOMEONES HEART!! That is so forbidden.
A played and fooled heart can kill literately a person...
Second chanse, absolutely theres nothing to be ashamed of a second chanse, we all deserve it. I hate to call it "second chanse" i rather say "a miracle to be loved again"
Fool someone... yea fool someone... that is something that breaks my heart and the belife in the human being.
I dont like fooling people, i am not a teenager, i am a man a grown up a father a guy who respects people.
if you say "I LOVE YOU" it dont meen "hi my friend" It meens I LOVE YOU and that by meaning: You belong in my heart in a special place where nobody ever can come, not even close.
Dont keep friends in your heart becouse they are told that they stab people, stab their friends, iknow that feeling i had friends in my heart along time ago and they fucking stabbed me so hard, so if i wouldent had them in my heart i had just brushed of those from my shoulders and spitted on them and said: you fucking looser to them.
But i was so broken after that stabbing...
So keep only the one you love in your heart.
Friends yea they are good to have, they support you give you strength and all, but a friend is a friend no fucking partner or lover or mistress. When friendship goes near the gates of intimate feelings, then please listen to the bells thats shouting right in your ear, if you dont heare that bell and see the red light alarming in front of you then you are so very bonehead. Friends dont fuck each other, friends dont kiss each other friends dont share intimate love together. Friends are friends and supports you so you can be stronger end of the fucking story...
For me love is something very important. For me love is something very special that only two people share among each other, and theres a "honor codex" that aint suppose to be broken ever.
The codex is: Never kiss somebody else on the lips, never hug anyone more intimate then your partner, never think of anyone else in sexual or teasing way, never see somebody else more handsome then your partner, never see anyone else more sexy then your partner, never look at somebody else deeper then you look at your partner, never cheet, never lie, never fool, never misstrust your partner, never miss anyone else more then your partner, never hit your partner, never treat your partner as she/he would be less important then your friend or the dirt under your shoes.
As you see, the codex is a long list, but its there the whole list is in your back bone if you really love somebody, then you know this codex, otherwise i sugest you find your way to the door and fucking leave your so called partner. Codex IS and remains the word and meaning: LOVE YOU.
Guys say: we dont cry.. Oh my god.... Guys dont cry? Who invented that sentence? Its a crime against the human nature, GUYS DO CRY, i do that. Showing feelings is wonderful, crying releases pain and stress and tense. It shows that you are a human made by god.
Feelings, to show feelings is wonderful.
I love looking in the woman i love eyes for houers and just look in them and feel that you are looking in one pair of eyes that thinks you are her world. I love giving love, saying romantic stuff. It shows my burning heart wich burns only for her thrue my words of tenderness and caress.
i love walking hand in hand just for no reason, or just to see the stars, pick out a star for her.
I love being with my woman, spending time for houers. Telling her secrets of love of life...
Sharing my life with hers...
Guys you really need to start being more romantic to your woman, i guarranty you you wount be dissepointed.
Secrets yeah, we have too many secrets we dnt share... IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU NEVER HAVE ANY SECRETS!!!!!!!!!!
You share everything, why else its called: Relation Ship? Relation= you know life present past future.....
Ship= same as a company.... Life company in other words, in a company you have to make sure the money rolling in or you dont get sallary, no food on the table, so we need to care alot for the company we work for make it roll, and make sure the money goes in. Same as in relationship, we need to nurse the relationship with love and trusting and understanding always be equal. Its like a flower that needs water or it dies.
Isnt it marvelous totally wonderful to love? be inlove, share love be romantic? I love it so much.
So love for me is something that you dont joke about, its serious shit your pulling, dont fucking say i love you to people like its bread crumbs your throwing at pigs, too much: I LOVE YOU here and I LOVE YOU there... STOP IT NOW!!!!! You only say that to the one that you really love... And if you ask me what i meen with the one you love, then fucking scroll and read this letter again you stupid SOB!
So once again, please love and be loved, be romantic, let you heare romantic stuf, dont shut that out, its so stupid to shut it out, we live only once so lets make this place to a beautiful place with alot love, pure real love.
Now i said my side of the story what the Love we all talk so much bout is for me and hopefully for you too.
//Michael
Dreams are a part of love, if you never dream of love, how can you know it then?
Love makes us crazy, dangerous, it makes us go thrue the lines of what we else would never pass thrue.
We have to fight for what we belive in our heart, speacially with love, fight so hard and never give up.
NEVER EVER PLAY WITH SOMEONES HEART!! That is so forbidden.
A played and fooled heart can kill literately a person...
Second chanse, absolutely theres nothing to be ashamed of a second chanse, we all deserve it. I hate to call it "second chanse" i rather say "a miracle to be loved again"
Fool someone... yea fool someone... that is something that breaks my heart and the belife in the human being.
I dont like fooling people, i am not a teenager, i am a man a grown up a father a guy who respects people.
if you say "I LOVE YOU" it dont meen "hi my friend" It meens I LOVE YOU and that by meaning: You belong in my heart in a special place where nobody ever can come, not even close.
Dont keep friends in your heart becouse they are told that they stab people, stab their friends, iknow that feeling i had friends in my heart along time ago and they fucking stabbed me so hard, so if i wouldent had them in my heart i had just brushed of those from my shoulders and spitted on them and said: you fucking looser to them.
But i was so broken after that stabbing...
So keep only the one you love in your heart.
Friends yea they are good to have, they support you give you strength and all, but a friend is a friend no fucking partner or lover or mistress. When friendship goes near the gates of intimate feelings, then please listen to the bells thats shouting right in your ear, if you dont heare that bell and see the red light alarming in front of you then you are so very bonehead. Friends dont fuck each other, friends dont kiss each other friends dont share intimate love together. Friends are friends and supports you so you can be stronger end of the fucking story...
For me love is something very important. For me love is something very special that only two people share among each other, and theres a "honor codex" that aint suppose to be broken ever.
The codex is: Never kiss somebody else on the lips, never hug anyone more intimate then your partner, never think of anyone else in sexual or teasing way, never see somebody else more handsome then your partner, never see anyone else more sexy then your partner, never look at somebody else deeper then you look at your partner, never cheet, never lie, never fool, never misstrust your partner, never miss anyone else more then your partner, never hit your partner, never treat your partner as she/he would be less important then your friend or the dirt under your shoes.
As you see, the codex is a long list, but its there the whole list is in your back bone if you really love somebody, then you know this codex, otherwise i sugest you find your way to the door and fucking leave your so called partner. Codex IS and remains the word and meaning: LOVE YOU.
Guys say: we dont cry.. Oh my god.... Guys dont cry? Who invented that sentence? Its a crime against the human nature, GUYS DO CRY, i do that. Showing feelings is wonderful, crying releases pain and stress and tense. It shows that you are a human made by god.
Feelings, to show feelings is wonderful.
I love looking in the woman i love eyes for houers and just look in them and feel that you are looking in one pair of eyes that thinks you are her world. I love giving love, saying romantic stuff. It shows my burning heart wich burns only for her thrue my words of tenderness and caress.
i love walking hand in hand just for no reason, or just to see the stars, pick out a star for her.
I love being with my woman, spending time for houers. Telling her secrets of love of life...
Sharing my life with hers...
Guys you really need to start being more romantic to your woman, i guarranty you you wount be dissepointed.
Secrets yeah, we have too many secrets we dnt share... IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU NEVER HAVE ANY SECRETS!!!!!!!!!!
You share everything, why else its called: Relation Ship? Relation= you know life present past future.....
Ship= same as a company.... Life company in other words, in a company you have to make sure the money rolling in or you dont get sallary, no food on the table, so we need to care alot for the company we work for make it roll, and make sure the money goes in. Same as in relationship, we need to nurse the relationship with love and trusting and understanding always be equal. Its like a flower that needs water or it dies.
Isnt it marvelous totally wonderful to love? be inlove, share love be romantic? I love it so much.
So love for me is something that you dont joke about, its serious shit your pulling, dont fucking say i love you to people like its bread crumbs your throwing at pigs, too much: I LOVE YOU here and I LOVE YOU there... STOP IT NOW!!!!! You only say that to the one that you really love... And if you ask me what i meen with the one you love, then fucking scroll and read this letter again you stupid SOB!
So once again, please love and be loved, be romantic, let you heare romantic stuf, dont shut that out, its so stupid to shut it out, we live only once so lets make this place to a beautiful place with alot love, pure real love.
Now i said my side of the story what the Love we all talk so much bout is for me and hopefully for you too.
//Michael
måndag 7 maj 2012
Just another day in paradise
One more night with you. Ive been trying to let you know how i feel...
I stumbled and fell once, pleace give me one more night... One more life time...
One more time to love you, becouse i can love you.
Whispering your name in the wind, what should i call you?
Baby or you by your name?
I can only call you what you truly are to me, babylove....
I dont fake my love, i never did...
I stumbled, fell one time, who dont fall sometimes?
But if you open your front door, baby iknow we will see and feel the sun again.
One more night, one more life and i will be there catching you.
Love me forever, iknow you do that already. But please understand that i do that too, i love you forever.
Time i give you, becouse you need that, and why i give you something you need, its becouse i love you, i am not egoistic when it comes to worrying bout you ar caring bout you. I give you all time you need.
With love in your heart and the time to heale, you have to feel that you can do this. You are in a win win situation baby.
You will defeat that sadness of yours, and when you did you get pure strickt love to be helded by for allways.
Life will give us arguments, but as long the love is there and we are there no matter what we will defeat those monsters under the bed...
I dreamed bout you, dont ask what we did, becouse i dont remember, i only remember so strongly your presens, your way you held me in bed, the way you cared for me... I smiled, but woke up, and i wanted to cry, becouse you never were here.
Its just another day in paradise, you and me in paradise...
I think of you everyday, i think of you on the street, i call out to you on the street, can you heare me my love?
My heart is bleeding, bleeding for you. I have been giving so many tears to the grownd lately so god could easily grow up roses on that spot. Every tear i gave away, was a tear that missed you, that showed the world how sad i am becouse all the troubles i costed you.
In every mans tear lyes the truth, and in my tears lyes many truths and pain of sorrow.
You gave me your heart once i took it, and it wasent your heart i smashed, it was a bad copy i did without you knowing i had done one, why, you ask me why, becouse if you would take the heart from me, i would have had a copy of it to cherish, but you never left me. I smashed that copy just so you would wake up and see how you hurted me with your doubts in me, why i took the copy instead of the real, was becouse iknow that i loved the real heart and that i can never smash in to thousends of peaces, just becouse iknew that one day i will come back to you.
Wich my love i did.
I stumbled and fell once, pleace give me one more night... One more life time...
One more time to love you, becouse i can love you.
Whispering your name in the wind, what should i call you?
Baby or you by your name?
I can only call you what you truly are to me, babylove....
I dont fake my love, i never did...
I stumbled, fell one time, who dont fall sometimes?
But if you open your front door, baby iknow we will see and feel the sun again.
One more night, one more life and i will be there catching you.
Love me forever, iknow you do that already. But please understand that i do that too, i love you forever.
Time i give you, becouse you need that, and why i give you something you need, its becouse i love you, i am not egoistic when it comes to worrying bout you ar caring bout you. I give you all time you need.
With love in your heart and the time to heale, you have to feel that you can do this. You are in a win win situation baby.
You will defeat that sadness of yours, and when you did you get pure strickt love to be helded by for allways.
Life will give us arguments, but as long the love is there and we are there no matter what we will defeat those monsters under the bed...
I dreamed bout you, dont ask what we did, becouse i dont remember, i only remember so strongly your presens, your way you held me in bed, the way you cared for me... I smiled, but woke up, and i wanted to cry, becouse you never were here.
Its just another day in paradise, you and me in paradise...
I think of you everyday, i think of you on the street, i call out to you on the street, can you heare me my love?
My heart is bleeding, bleeding for you. I have been giving so many tears to the grownd lately so god could easily grow up roses on that spot. Every tear i gave away, was a tear that missed you, that showed the world how sad i am becouse all the troubles i costed you.
In every mans tear lyes the truth, and in my tears lyes many truths and pain of sorrow.
You gave me your heart once i took it, and it wasent your heart i smashed, it was a bad copy i did without you knowing i had done one, why, you ask me why, becouse if you would take the heart from me, i would have had a copy of it to cherish, but you never left me. I smashed that copy just so you would wake up and see how you hurted me with your doubts in me, why i took the copy instead of the real, was becouse iknow that i loved the real heart and that i can never smash in to thousends of peaces, just becouse iknew that one day i will come back to you.
Wich my love i did.
söndag 6 maj 2012
My truth that no one belives in...
-I wanna find a place to hide in, so i can speak out what i feel. I dont feel that this world will belive me when i tell the truth.
Dont you understand that not being belived hurts so much. Specially when i dont lie.
I wanna cry and cry until i have no more to cry, i want to dissepeare.
I really want to die, and im really thinking bout it, if i dont get rid of this "chains" im wearing now, then i have to find a way to go to neverland.
Iguess neverlands the only place im accepted in as who i am... Being belived...
I feel good one time, and then i feel such anxiety the other time. Theese feelings are going as a rollercoaster inside of my heart every day every houer 24-7...
Anxiety; a feeling where you feel that you cant breath, your heart feels like its strangled by a wire.
You feel panic attacks, and find no reason to live...Anxiety....
I have no further lust to eat, one time i feel to eat, then i suddenly are disgusted to food, i dont wanna see food, and i starve my self for days, then i eat something littlebit after 3-4 days. Then i dont eat again in a while.
I have IBD; Inflammatory Bowel Disease and that was very ugly when i got it. I was 2 weeks from death, becouse of too little blood in my system. That was 2011 January... If i start to bleed again, its done i will not find my self to a hospital more, i have no lust i dont have no inspiration to wanna live more.
I cant go just killing my self, becouse i have no gun and i dont belive in suicide. But if i start to bleed, i will take that chanse to keep bleeding until i emptyed my self on blood...
I am not bitter no i am not, i am just so sad, i dont know when i was this sad last time, sometimes im happy at days, then i get so sad and cry like a baby, just like that, and iknow why i do that.
iguess this is the only place i can write on, where i can be belived, becouse this blog is ME, i tell always the solid truth how i feel here.
If i wasent honest with what i feel, why then i would feel anxiety, depressions and death wishes at the same time? I just dont know why i would feel that if i dident meen it, meen it when it comes to what i offered and said.
i only asked for one single chanse to make it all up to right level, and iknow i would do it, but i cant dance tango alone, you need to want that too, and iknow you want that but your friends have such damn influence on you that you listen to them more then me, you are too scared to say what you feel and stand for that just becouse your friends told you something else. Is it so important to be "one of the gang"? Are you so scared to be alone that you let your friends decide things for you, then when you are alone your so sweet beautiful kind wonderful and telling me that you love me, but then when they come you become so arrogant and mocking me with laughs I never did that to you, never and rejecting me when iknow that you really dont want that. Your a double face and you let your self be that .... Just so you can fit among your friends...
I feel so sad for you when i heare all this thing you doing, this double face thing, i dont get angry even that you mocking me, i pity you becouse i care so much for you and im so sad for that you aint stronger then i thought...
I wanna live happy, i wanna lye in the coutch holding hands with someone, watching a movie, she lying on my chest with her fingers linguerred in mine. i just need that i miss that, and not even that i get.
I have a really good friend in the states who told me im a hopeless romantic guy, i never saw me that way, shes so sweet, and so kind and she belives in me... I just havent have time to be social, or i havent have that efford to be that to anyone lately... I feel i am done, i feel i am lost. I wanna move on but im turning my head all the time behind me just to see back and just hope she stands there smiling at me and waving...
I dont give up on the one i love never. Even that she made me so angry that i left, i still dident leave, if she say that she knows me, then she would have known me this time too, o always return.
She spoke words like; "i never stop loving you no matter what" and "this isnt over for me even if its for you" those words are as a forreign country in her now, why she said all that if she dident meen it? She say that she never lie, but that was a lie... If i stand infront of you giving my self to you in a better wrapped box then befre, then why you dont take it if you preach bout how you love me? I gave you a better prototype to be with and i gave you life guarranty on that, but still you are so arrogant mocking me laughing at me being so tough among your so called friends. Your not bitter, your just trying to be something you can never be. our not genuin person if you behave like that.
And i dont like that at all, its a side of you i hate, i feel so sad and helpless.
I just need someone to be with, to lye in bed talking giggling smiling kissing dreaming with, holding hands, making love. Walking among the stars hand in hand, lying in the sofa with linguered fingers...
I miss the intimacy with a woman, and she was so perfect for me, now im lost...
I wanna have a sweet kind beautiful woman who gives me the world as i give her. Who gives me that smile i give her. I wanna be there when shes sick, taking care of her, caressing her, listenning to her. Talking to her.
I wanna talk to her for houers, drink wine or beer with candles litted. just this intimacy to a woman whos my best friend, my lover, my mistress, my wife, my everything, my whole compleate world...
I need that, and now there is no one who can give me that intimacy... Im so sad and lost...
I wanna be romantic becouse i see the joy in her eyes when she feels that she saw a part of my heart that was burning for her thrue my words off kindness and tenderness, that gives me so much and thats why i love being romantic.
I have so much love to give, but not ever being belived, that tears my love and my patience apart, i never did wrong to her, but still it all went to hell.
Its allmost like she wanted to make me so angry that i drop her eventually, the longer thetime went and her arrive at home, she made me more and more angry, it feels like she wanted me to breake up so she can go spotless from this relation and be a martyr. But deep down she wanted be single when she arrives home, maybe becouse she already had a guy there that she never told me, or that she was interrested in someone there that shes hoping to be with, becouse why else she behaved and behaves like she do?
I gave her a chanse to come back i even gave her time to heale up to 6 months without me talking a dipp to her, just if i got a answer of YESto a second chanse, i dont wanna lie 6 months not knowing what she wants a no or yes, i cant have it this way 6 months, if i got a yes then i can atleast live on that and O H M Y G O D how happy i would be... But no i never got an answer from her.
She wants me and she dont, i belive that she really do want me but she loves her friwnds more and listens to them more then my truth of a word or her heart...
Iguess i am a looser, but hell no i never were a player or a user fuck no, dont throw lies in my face just so you can have something to say.
And dont accuse my cousin for user too, she cared so much for you, shame on you, shes one of the most sweetest persons there is, over and out. Yes i do protect her when shes treated bad, she deserves all happyness, shes always there for me and thats why i love her so. So dont paint her black when you drove me to the edge.
Your not innocent, me neither, we both owe us a explenation and a second chanse, the sun dont cirkle around you, it cirkles around the earth, dont be so egoistic and think you never do wrong ever.
I dont lie i dont cheet, even if i did that in my past life once, i changed i became mature, now no i never could cheet i grew up from a boy to a man. But you, you dont wanna grow up, your so immature sometimes and so mature some other times. Iguess yor so insecure inside of your self, you will never achieve anything by being insecure. I suggest you fix your self and grow up. Your a mother, dont go around drinking your childrens childhood away, my mother did that, i forgive her. You told me your a good mum, but you showing that you are no better then my mother was. So sad... I really love your daughter i do. Dont treat her as my mum did, or i will be angry, be a grown up be a good mother please... Do you give her alcohol too??? I think so, you dont care bout your kids when you drink away the nights. Dont be a martyr when you pushed me away many times and lied to me and mocked me, you fucking bully...
I just need to find peace, i just need to have intimacy, i just need you...
truth and nothing but the truth i did write now. If you dont belive me, then welcome your one of them all.
Love you still even that you are hard to be with i still choose to be with you and face those hard times just coz i love who you TRULY are...
/Michael J
Dont you understand that not being belived hurts so much. Specially when i dont lie.
I wanna cry and cry until i have no more to cry, i want to dissepeare.
I really want to die, and im really thinking bout it, if i dont get rid of this "chains" im wearing now, then i have to find a way to go to neverland.
Iguess neverlands the only place im accepted in as who i am... Being belived...
I feel good one time, and then i feel such anxiety the other time. Theese feelings are going as a rollercoaster inside of my heart every day every houer 24-7...
Anxiety; a feeling where you feel that you cant breath, your heart feels like its strangled by a wire.
You feel panic attacks, and find no reason to live...Anxiety....
I have no further lust to eat, one time i feel to eat, then i suddenly are disgusted to food, i dont wanna see food, and i starve my self for days, then i eat something littlebit after 3-4 days. Then i dont eat again in a while.
I have IBD; Inflammatory Bowel Disease and that was very ugly when i got it. I was 2 weeks from death, becouse of too little blood in my system. That was 2011 January... If i start to bleed again, its done i will not find my self to a hospital more, i have no lust i dont have no inspiration to wanna live more.
I cant go just killing my self, becouse i have no gun and i dont belive in suicide. But if i start to bleed, i will take that chanse to keep bleeding until i emptyed my self on blood...
I am not bitter no i am not, i am just so sad, i dont know when i was this sad last time, sometimes im happy at days, then i get so sad and cry like a baby, just like that, and iknow why i do that.
iguess this is the only place i can write on, where i can be belived, becouse this blog is ME, i tell always the solid truth how i feel here.
If i wasent honest with what i feel, why then i would feel anxiety, depressions and death wishes at the same time? I just dont know why i would feel that if i dident meen it, meen it when it comes to what i offered and said.
i only asked for one single chanse to make it all up to right level, and iknow i would do it, but i cant dance tango alone, you need to want that too, and iknow you want that but your friends have such damn influence on you that you listen to them more then me, you are too scared to say what you feel and stand for that just becouse your friends told you something else. Is it so important to be "one of the gang"? Are you so scared to be alone that you let your friends decide things for you, then when you are alone your so sweet beautiful kind wonderful and telling me that you love me, but then when they come you become so arrogant and mocking me with laughs I never did that to you, never and rejecting me when iknow that you really dont want that. Your a double face and you let your self be that .... Just so you can fit among your friends...
I feel so sad for you when i heare all this thing you doing, this double face thing, i dont get angry even that you mocking me, i pity you becouse i care so much for you and im so sad for that you aint stronger then i thought...
I wanna live happy, i wanna lye in the coutch holding hands with someone, watching a movie, she lying on my chest with her fingers linguerred in mine. i just need that i miss that, and not even that i get.
I have a really good friend in the states who told me im a hopeless romantic guy, i never saw me that way, shes so sweet, and so kind and she belives in me... I just havent have time to be social, or i havent have that efford to be that to anyone lately... I feel i am done, i feel i am lost. I wanna move on but im turning my head all the time behind me just to see back and just hope she stands there smiling at me and waving...
I dont give up on the one i love never. Even that she made me so angry that i left, i still dident leave, if she say that she knows me, then she would have known me this time too, o always return.
She spoke words like; "i never stop loving you no matter what" and "this isnt over for me even if its for you" those words are as a forreign country in her now, why she said all that if she dident meen it? She say that she never lie, but that was a lie... If i stand infront of you giving my self to you in a better wrapped box then befre, then why you dont take it if you preach bout how you love me? I gave you a better prototype to be with and i gave you life guarranty on that, but still you are so arrogant mocking me laughing at me being so tough among your so called friends. Your not bitter, your just trying to be something you can never be. our not genuin person if you behave like that.
And i dont like that at all, its a side of you i hate, i feel so sad and helpless.
I just need someone to be with, to lye in bed talking giggling smiling kissing dreaming with, holding hands, making love. Walking among the stars hand in hand, lying in the sofa with linguered fingers...
I miss the intimacy with a woman, and she was so perfect for me, now im lost...
I wanna have a sweet kind beautiful woman who gives me the world as i give her. Who gives me that smile i give her. I wanna be there when shes sick, taking care of her, caressing her, listenning to her. Talking to her.
I wanna talk to her for houers, drink wine or beer with candles litted. just this intimacy to a woman whos my best friend, my lover, my mistress, my wife, my everything, my whole compleate world...
I need that, and now there is no one who can give me that intimacy... Im so sad and lost...
I wanna be romantic becouse i see the joy in her eyes when she feels that she saw a part of my heart that was burning for her thrue my words off kindness and tenderness, that gives me so much and thats why i love being romantic.
I have so much love to give, but not ever being belived, that tears my love and my patience apart, i never did wrong to her, but still it all went to hell.
Its allmost like she wanted to make me so angry that i drop her eventually, the longer thetime went and her arrive at home, she made me more and more angry, it feels like she wanted me to breake up so she can go spotless from this relation and be a martyr. But deep down she wanted be single when she arrives home, maybe becouse she already had a guy there that she never told me, or that she was interrested in someone there that shes hoping to be with, becouse why else she behaved and behaves like she do?
I gave her a chanse to come back i even gave her time to heale up to 6 months without me talking a dipp to her, just if i got a answer of YESto a second chanse, i dont wanna lie 6 months not knowing what she wants a no or yes, i cant have it this way 6 months, if i got a yes then i can atleast live on that and O H M Y G O D how happy i would be... But no i never got an answer from her.
She wants me and she dont, i belive that she really do want me but she loves her friwnds more and listens to them more then my truth of a word or her heart...
Iguess i am a looser, but hell no i never were a player or a user fuck no, dont throw lies in my face just so you can have something to say.
And dont accuse my cousin for user too, she cared so much for you, shame on you, shes one of the most sweetest persons there is, over and out. Yes i do protect her when shes treated bad, she deserves all happyness, shes always there for me and thats why i love her so. So dont paint her black when you drove me to the edge.
Your not innocent, me neither, we both owe us a explenation and a second chanse, the sun dont cirkle around you, it cirkles around the earth, dont be so egoistic and think you never do wrong ever.
I dont lie i dont cheet, even if i did that in my past life once, i changed i became mature, now no i never could cheet i grew up from a boy to a man. But you, you dont wanna grow up, your so immature sometimes and so mature some other times. Iguess yor so insecure inside of your self, you will never achieve anything by being insecure. I suggest you fix your self and grow up. Your a mother, dont go around drinking your childrens childhood away, my mother did that, i forgive her. You told me your a good mum, but you showing that you are no better then my mother was. So sad... I really love your daughter i do. Dont treat her as my mum did, or i will be angry, be a grown up be a good mother please... Do you give her alcohol too??? I think so, you dont care bout your kids when you drink away the nights. Dont be a martyr when you pushed me away many times and lied to me and mocked me, you fucking bully...
I just need to find peace, i just need to have intimacy, i just need you...
truth and nothing but the truth i did write now. If you dont belive me, then welcome your one of them all.
Love you still even that you are hard to be with i still choose to be with you and face those hard times just coz i love who you TRULY are...
/Michael J
lördag 5 maj 2012
Hopeless mind of a spotless dream
Voices, memories running thrue the gate of my mind.
Im sitting here on the floor, looking at the pictures of you, you look happy.
I wonder if i ever crossed your mind?
Its allmost midnight, and i need you now so badly.
I just need you now.
The bottle is next to me, tempting me as much as your lips of summer dipped chocolate on a warm beautiful day in august...
I need you now, i just need to be with you.
Pictures of you gives me the eye in tears. It hurts yes it does.
I called you 10 times, but you never picked it up...
I called you to say sorry, i called you to heare your voice again.
But you never picked up...
My phone is smiling to me, laughing at me and teasing me that she never answered me.
World is pointing fingers at me, even that i shouted im sorry.
New day broke and i woke up with a diffrent side of me in my bed, still the same bed as before, but a nother soul who raised up.
I died but were reborn.
Hello world, how you been? Good to see you my old friend.....
Some times im cold as steele, but no longer, i just miss you.
You dont talk to me, i understand that.
But i still miss you.
Everyday i drive my car, same car where you sat next to me for over a year, smiling telling jokes me smiling.... Same car as before, but now i drive it empty from your perfume, empty from smiles...
I never felt lonely, now i am empty, i lost everything.
Your smile was what got me alive, your smile and kiss gave me all i needed.
Im sitting here on the floor, watching pictures of you, it makes me cry, emptyness of your lost, is what haunts me...
I fall down on my knees, no one to fall on to, but still...
Some days im happy, becouse i feel your precens, and i belive that you are thinking of me as i am thinking of you, and i am truly happy. Some days i feel so lost so cold, and i wonder if its becouse you forgot me...
Then i cry...
I want to give you 10,000 flowers of forget me not... But i can not give, becouse your so far from me...
I wanna pick you one more time, pick my rose one more time and take good care of you, forever.
Im lost without you, cold and lonely, but sometimes, just sometimes im happy, becouse i think that you are thinking of me, as i am thinking day and night of you...
Just sometimes im happy.....
Im sitting here on the floor, looking at the pictures of you, you look happy.
I wonder if i ever crossed your mind?
Its allmost midnight, and i need you now so badly.
I just need you now.
The bottle is next to me, tempting me as much as your lips of summer dipped chocolate on a warm beautiful day in august...
I need you now, i just need to be with you.
Pictures of you gives me the eye in tears. It hurts yes it does.
I called you 10 times, but you never picked it up...
I called you to say sorry, i called you to heare your voice again.
But you never picked up...
My phone is smiling to me, laughing at me and teasing me that she never answered me.
World is pointing fingers at me, even that i shouted im sorry.
New day broke and i woke up with a diffrent side of me in my bed, still the same bed as before, but a nother soul who raised up.
I died but were reborn.
Hello world, how you been? Good to see you my old friend.....
Some times im cold as steele, but no longer, i just miss you.
You dont talk to me, i understand that.
But i still miss you.
Everyday i drive my car, same car where you sat next to me for over a year, smiling telling jokes me smiling.... Same car as before, but now i drive it empty from your perfume, empty from smiles...
I never felt lonely, now i am empty, i lost everything.
Your smile was what got me alive, your smile and kiss gave me all i needed.
Im sitting here on the floor, watching pictures of you, it makes me cry, emptyness of your lost, is what haunts me...
I fall down on my knees, no one to fall on to, but still...
Some days im happy, becouse i feel your precens, and i belive that you are thinking of me as i am thinking of you, and i am truly happy. Some days i feel so lost so cold, and i wonder if its becouse you forgot me...
Then i cry...
I want to give you 10,000 flowers of forget me not... But i can not give, becouse your so far from me...
I wanna pick you one more time, pick my rose one more time and take good care of you, forever.
Im lost without you, cold and lonely, but sometimes, just sometimes im happy, becouse i think that you are thinking of me, as i am thinking day and night of you...
Just sometimes im happy.....
torsdag 3 maj 2012
I love you
-The truth found me in the end.
It showed me who i have been, it showed me who i really are.
Thruth of love, truth of its own.
God is mighty, he helps with the healing part that human cant achieve, god made me whole, he healed me from my bitterness. He gave me a coat and told me what love was again, and how to love again.
Who else if not god?
I realised i had been missing her more then iknew, i cant shake the thought that were ment to be, where ever i go i see her, what ever i do i smile coz i think of her all the time.
I was gone for a while, but i found the way home, im just wating for my wife to open the door so i can come in to her arms again.
I wish she opens the door, becuse i have so much to give, so much to love.
I am not the same i was before, i was an asshole before, today, i am calm more happy, but now i aint happy, i cry 4 times everyday just becouse i miss and love her so much.
She really are my world my everything, nothing can keep us apart, i have proof on that.
I never could love another girl, i was so angry that i tryed, but the more i tryed the more i loved her, it made me furious, but never did i leave her in my heart, and today i realize were ment to be, atleast from my side, i can only speak for my self, but i truly are diffrent chemistry inside of me... Alot things can happen in short time when god decides to interfear, thank you god, thank you for showing me home, to my real home.
What would i do without my babylove, my wife, my girlfriend, my best friend, my everything, i can never leave her in my heart or mind. Shes always there, when i wake up i think of her when i go to sleep i think of her everyday....
I love you babylove so much, never forgett that. And im sorry for being away for a time, but im home now, home in your arms, if you just are willing to open them, then iknow we will fix everything.
Iknow that if i dont have her, i will die inside of me, she means so much to me, without her im not compleate.
I need my baby, i love my baby, i want my beautiful babylove so much...
Im inlove still after more then a year. Im still crazy bout her...
love you truthfully forever Maria...
It showed me who i have been, it showed me who i really are.
Thruth of love, truth of its own.
God is mighty, he helps with the healing part that human cant achieve, god made me whole, he healed me from my bitterness. He gave me a coat and told me what love was again, and how to love again.
Who else if not god?
I realised i had been missing her more then iknew, i cant shake the thought that were ment to be, where ever i go i see her, what ever i do i smile coz i think of her all the time.
I was gone for a while, but i found the way home, im just wating for my wife to open the door so i can come in to her arms again.
I wish she opens the door, becuse i have so much to give, so much to love.
I am not the same i was before, i was an asshole before, today, i am calm more happy, but now i aint happy, i cry 4 times everyday just becouse i miss and love her so much.
She really are my world my everything, nothing can keep us apart, i have proof on that.
I never could love another girl, i was so angry that i tryed, but the more i tryed the more i loved her, it made me furious, but never did i leave her in my heart, and today i realize were ment to be, atleast from my side, i can only speak for my self, but i truly are diffrent chemistry inside of me... Alot things can happen in short time when god decides to interfear, thank you god, thank you for showing me home, to my real home.
What would i do without my babylove, my wife, my girlfriend, my best friend, my everything, i can never leave her in my heart or mind. Shes always there, when i wake up i think of her when i go to sleep i think of her everyday....
I love you babylove so much, never forgett that. And im sorry for being away for a time, but im home now, home in your arms, if you just are willing to open them, then iknow we will fix everything.
Iknow that if i dont have her, i will die inside of me, she means so much to me, without her im not compleate.
I need my baby, i love my baby, i want my beautiful babylove so much...
Im inlove still after more then a year. Im still crazy bout her...
love you truthfully forever Maria...
onsdag 2 maj 2012
License to deserve
-Sometimes its easy, everything floats on, then next day its all a climbing on a mountain.
We belive in what our heart tells us, and sometimes we trust our voices within so much that we start to think that its our heart that speaks to us.
We are but humans, we do mistakes everyday. Some hurt, some dont...
But we all need to learn from our mistakes.
How do you explain something you cant explain? How do you fix something that is too late to fix?
How do you live on when you knew too late that the one you truly love, stood whole time infront of you, and you were just so stubbern and proud to admitt that you aint such bad person afterall.
How do you truly say goodby when you really just wanna say "im so sorry" and hope that the sun will rise again so that you can speak the happy language again together?
How do you live on, when you admitt all your errors, and accept that whats done is done, but you regret it so badly, but still you accept that the other one resaddled on to something new, how do you live on?
Just learn from it and swallow the pain and just hope for a new day to rise even that it was all your fault, just admitt it all and walk on by the road...
Just take good care, and find the happyness you deserve so much.
//Michael
We belive in what our heart tells us, and sometimes we trust our voices within so much that we start to think that its our heart that speaks to us.
We are but humans, we do mistakes everyday. Some hurt, some dont...
But we all need to learn from our mistakes.
How do you explain something you cant explain? How do you fix something that is too late to fix?
How do you live on when you knew too late that the one you truly love, stood whole time infront of you, and you were just so stubbern and proud to admitt that you aint such bad person afterall.
How do you truly say goodby when you really just wanna say "im so sorry" and hope that the sun will rise again so that you can speak the happy language again together?
How do you live on, when you admitt all your errors, and accept that whats done is done, but you regret it so badly, but still you accept that the other one resaddled on to something new, how do you live on?
Just learn from it and swallow the pain and just hope for a new day to rise even that it was all your fault, just admitt it all and walk on by the road...
Just take good care, and find the happyness you deserve so much.
//Michael
tisdag 1 maj 2012
Something in the deep atlantic ocean
-Some flowers die too early, some die when they are supposed to.
When do you know that something has died? Or are you sure that it is dead?
Many probobly have no idea what im talking bout, but those who knows me, knows that im not talking bout flowers.
How do you know that something died?
Im not sure...
Where do you begin if you cant finish something?
We belive and think something is dead, but there can be something glowing still in the darkness deep down in your atlantic ocean.
I saw that something in me still are glowing, i just dont know for how long more, it only feels that it will glow a while more, maybe forever.
I wanna put out that fire, and i dont wanna put out that fire.
Im stuck in my self, should i start to edge that fire up more, or should i let it be?
I only know that something isnt finished what i thought it was...
Something, just something aint finished....
When do you know that something has died? Or are you sure that it is dead?
Many probobly have no idea what im talking bout, but those who knows me, knows that im not talking bout flowers.
How do you know that something died?
Im not sure...
Where do you begin if you cant finish something?
We belive and think something is dead, but there can be something glowing still in the darkness deep down in your atlantic ocean.
I saw that something in me still are glowing, i just dont know for how long more, it only feels that it will glow a while more, maybe forever.
I wanna put out that fire, and i dont wanna put out that fire.
Im stuck in my self, should i start to edge that fire up more, or should i let it be?
I only know that something isnt finished what i thought it was...
Something, just something aint finished....
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