Its like an emptyness that eats your soul and heart. Feeling that you need some one who meens the world for you, near you. It can easily be winkled as an egoistic needing, but as matter of fact, it is no fucking ego tripp to the sunny beach. Its a feeling that if that one would be with you now, you would give back to her as in my case, so much moore than you expect to have, you, in this case me, dont expect nothing at all, only that you, still me in this case, need to GIVE my love.
I am like a can full of feelings, full of love wich just needs to be emptyed, couse it needs to be filled again very fast.
Imagine that this "can" is filled up, and not emptyed, all the love that needs to go inside the can when the can is emptyed, is lying besides on the table, and the table gets filled by love, then we have a situation that is unbearable for your heart. My heart is this can, and when the table fills up, the feelings are attacking other parts of your soul, like disorientation, unfocusing, sadness, suddenly you think that you are non wanted.
But in that moment its very important to be very specific to your self and think with your heart, couse there all the answers lyes. Brain mix things up on its own, not heart, its always telling the truth.
So in my case this night, my "table" is filling up, and the can is still full.
When i meen "empty the can", then i meen that you need to speak out your love for whom,
Calm down, take it easy, yeah, but my train goes 525mph on the highway, and it will never stop.
Should i calm down? Well the fear is that if i calm down, slowing the train, maybe my target of love will find that a withdraw, and people who seas me calm down, thinks often that i given up.
I will never give up, im a stubborn bastard who does not deserve to live on this planet of apes.
Nooo i will never fail with her, no never. The day i fail, im done, i kill my self. I hate failing.
Feeling that you can wait a life time on someone, is happenning now, couse how matter i try seing things out of diffrent angle, i allways come to the same point, i can not measure others against her, there is no human who walks upon this earth that has the qualifications that she has.
She blinded me totally with love, blinded me but still i see, aah shit, its hard to explaine, simplest way of expalining it is: you see other women that looks good, but you still think, " shes not moore beautiful than my sweet temptation" and you keep doing what you did before. There isnt anyone who are moore perfect, beautiful, sexyer, better, nicer, sweeter than her.
there is a song that could have been written by me, its Lady Antebellums: when you got a good thing...
The words are: You know you keep bringing out the best of me, and i need you now even moore than the air im breathing...
Well the whole song is so perfect matched words from my heart against my sweet lullabye.
But im still wondering why night time must be so hard, why i everytime must be so fucking mushy? i think this blog is all about her, look at allmost every posting, its her in it all along...
Well this love train, i hope it never ends, couse its dam nice to be inlove, but still its a hard road to travell, but as long as shes there and speaks with me, and no other victims are near that i must draw my sword against for a fight, thats good, i dont think i have the power to fight a girl, she has her own mind, own heart, own will, if i fail and slippng down to reserve place, i dont fuck up her happyness, but im not either second price, put out my fire once, its never glowing like it did before.
Im the guy you have one shoot, one chance with, take it and you have me forever, blow it, you loose me forever, the magic, the words, everything, its not my job to give those words when you have some one else, i can advise you, give you pointing direction in life, but i will not show my heart. Hard dealer, yes. Im not a toy to have fun with and then ditsch, fuck that.
When i give my heart, you will see it forever if you choose to accept it.
Dont accept if you are not sure if i can be the life long one.
Are you sure that i am, but you aint ready yet, well i have only one message to you, and that is simply: I will wait as long as it takes for you to be ready, but be with me, and only with me the whole time and you have me ready when you are ready. I dont have hurry anywhere, couse iknow we will be ONE, one day. United.
This girl whom my tung speaks about, she gives me so much, she lightens me up. Oh dam sure she will be my wife one day, if she wants. I could give the whole world and much moore to her.
When do you know its love? Its when you sacrifise your own needs and your self for another one, take a bullet, put her in first place before you and others, think, eat, drink, sleep her.
Then its love on elite level.
Back to this heart aching thing again, why the hell do it have to be so heavy to breath when you miss someone so much, fuck.
The word "I love you" aint no moore strong enough to say, i must find stronger words, i must meassure up my love to right weigh, just to show exact how deep this heart-feeling-love thing is.
I know that im allways here for her, im never leaving her, never hurting her, fuck no, never. If i would see, hear or notice that someone did touch a hairstraw from her beautiful soul, i WILL rip that soul apart, give CPR and kill him again. I WILL tear him apart with my own bear hands. No one touches my girl, no one touches that one i love, no never. I might be small, i might not be strong, but when it sais "snap" in my head, i dont use 36% of my strength as human otherwise does, i use 100%, then you dont know what you do any moore when it hits 100%.
I can not change my self, and will not either, i come in a packages that has bad jokes, ups and downs and lots of swearing words that aint of gods grace, BUT you will get HELL LOT of love life long.
Here im sitting in the middle of the night, typing to a blog no one reads, its as lone as i am, but still im here and typing. Sad story this mike is, mmm yeah, but that girl, i love her moore than life it self, she gives me so many smiles, so many mmmmmmmmm so much that makes flowers grow on cold day in syberia without soil to feed it with.
Im worrying for nothing, but that is how i work, i allways worrie too much, its how my love works. I want to talk 24/7 with her, never hang up the phone, cheeezzz what a bill haha, skype, oh no my god that shit, iknow it should work, hey honey, we must get you a laptop so we can fix this skype problem.
Life is fucked up, its hurting every fucking minute, but when she turns up, oh shit life can be so wonderful.
I think this posting will be long, yeah im not finnished yet mother fucker, ive got still pretty much im gonna spit out here in your face mmmhm.
"Hold on tight, dont let go2, yeah never let go.
I dont think there is any one who can love you like me, or moore than me, think about it. Could you live with some one who are "ordinary standars man" nice and cozy, never hits you, brings flowers on your birthday and special days, and the other days goes to work, talks to you, and nothing moore?
That thing between all that guy is, i am, i can pop up with gifts wich day ever, or give you flowers just couse you are you and you are so beautiful. One morning you find a note next to you when you wake up: I love you honeywith all my heart, i wish you gods grace to day and dont forgett my love, i love you so much... See you tonight ;)
Yeah thats me, i cry, i bleed of love, but i can still kick your as, not yours honey.
Fuck fuck fuck, i can not sleep, i miss her so terrible much, it hurts oh yes. Hurts in good way.
Why does that girl have to be so beautiful, nice, sexy, hot, good looking, beautiful times million, cute, sweet....? Thank you god for all that....
I dont know anything moore than that i love her very deeply in my heart, i want her to have that freedom a girl should have, shell find it with me, that im proud over, that i can give her that, equality as the name goes under.
Be with me my love, and you will get that life you want.
Im proud of you, you are so clever.
With all my heart, soul, body and mind... I love you so deeply, selflessly, and with a burning heat from my heart.
im allways here for you my love, allways....
I love you.
//Michael
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