Pearl white skin

I watched you from behind that curtain. I watched how you looked at that fire that burned like the desire in devils soul.
I enjoyed every second of seing you be drawn to that flame, that burning flame.
My hunger after your skin, made me feel more dangerous to my self, i smiled.
My hunger after seing your blood stream down on your pearl white skin, it made me smile even more...

Tasting your blood while my sexual hunger drills my manhood inside of your vulva while my tounge edge is caressing your dark red blood, tasting imagenning as it would be the sweetest strawberry jam my desire ever knew.

I stared at you, from behind the curtains. With hunger after your pearl white body, seing the pain and pleasure in your eyes while my hunger after more nursed my soul.
My breath was like a dark echoe in the candle light that had its dance that eavning.
I smiled even more, knowing that soon your life would be totally in my power.

Tounge of mine, it touched, caressed my lips like it would have seen the tastyest honey it ever felt.
Feeling of wanting you now, needing you now, became stronger. And soon we would dance the devils dance and let the future be painted in red.

I watched you, and iknew that this was not the first, or last time i did that...

Scream until you no longer hurl

Please dont go round wondering why, becouse its not that bad.
Please dont read that letter, you deserve a better ending then that letter gave you.
Remember when i rescued you from drowning, and ripped every picture of you from the wall?
I like you, yea well i got to go now, but i like you, more then you ever can suffecate me.

Its not that bad after all, you are pregnant and all, oh shit i must have missed the show.
I think you need some counsling, i think you and your girlfriend need each other, more then that inspiering picture on the wall.
My inspiration is you, screaming in the trunk of my car.
Your screames is inspiering, it makes me think when i was so alone and no one could heare me.

Why you so fucked up sad? Hey girl, smile i could have killed you directly, but be happy i needed that moment to heare you scream.
My arms are like palms of fire, everybodys choking eating gravity, saying no to angel songs.
I only said no to heare you bleed, i saved that to him.

You only get one shoot, one chanse, and you never took it, you blew it away.
I bearly know my father, bearly know my daughter, oh was it you who i fucked? There you see i bearly know you.

This opportunity only comes once, in hard times, maybe thats why you screamed as your mother did when she gave you birth.
mama i love you but my train ran over you, not becouse i missed the track, becouse you missed one tone higher to scream. I hate when you dont scream so good when i choke you, so thats why i did it twice... CHOKED you bitch!!!!!! You heare as lousy as my father fucked, why he was a lousy lover? Well he made me and he dident even manage to get my mother swallow me, iguess thats how they did in 70s.

Babysit me?  Straight from my heart, KISS MY DICK!!!!
Ill buy you ice, and i do know one thing yo! Just sit your drunk ass on that runway ho.

I can be your superman, dont get me wrong, i dont save you.
I dont wanna flip the coin, i dont wanna say i trust you, i do one thing thou: Bitches they come and go, but your scream sounds like a ho!!!

I wanna save you girl, but you make me hurl... Dont play marshall with me, just rott in peace, thats my arsenal.
Good lord you want but you cant have, dont grab what you cant have, girl you just blew your chanse.

Maybe i love you one day, but for now, scream until you no longer sound like a ho, then iknow you are a good girl.

Bitch you make me hurl........

I am the one that dissepeared

We are the once that dissepeared. I am the one that burned.
I have deleted my memories, as the ashes that lies silent right next to my soul..
Everything will be to the end, one day.... one day...

Let us escape, far from here, let us be those who dissepeared.
Let us escape the worthy lack of memories that you spitted on.
We know, everybody knows... That one day somewhere in the room, it will all be to the end.

I was standing still, my teddy was hanging there in my arm, telling me i need help.
Flames already helped me.
I will never be my self again, never again....

Im tired of your nag, of your fucking nagging. I will never be my self more.
I am standing here in the flames, and i need help.
I smile becouse the flames ate me alive, but i smiled.

I am, one of them who dissepeared. One of them who dissepeared....
Tattoo of the match boy on that package was melting down, in one yellow blue fire flame.
One of those who dissepeared, one of those rejected once.

I am my own destiny, i am one of a kind, still the same i was when i died.
I am my own retardness dream, whats in my head is a big secret, a secret that was allso one of them who dissepeared.

I am stupid, i am retarded, i am fucked up, i am the one that is easy to hate, hard to love, and i smile.
I smile becouse i am burning in your eyes, i smile becouse i will never be my self in your eyes.
Crows fly over my corp, crows smile with their eyes of black hateful lies.

I am the one that dissepeared.....

LOVE is just a word, its whats behind it that spooks

-When you know that something is so right, but feel that something is awfully wrong.
What do you do, what do you do....?

When you know exactley wich way head against, but you still think what if something goes wrong....?
When everything in you tells you that its all good its ok dont worry....
But you still have that voice inside of you that whispers: Dont take anything for granted, one day you see that you failed...

We can count so many feelings, we can count so many times we failed and still dont remember the digit we came up with according to all those times we failed, thats called being human.
If we dont learn from our misstakes, were still human beings, but we are foolish people.

Is it right to go around worrying too much? If we live with the word: What if...
Then i would wanna ask, am i healthy, will i manage to live a happy life? No, if we live in the fear: what if...
Then we live with a burden, and god dont want us to have burdens in our life.

What is it that gives the relationship its name? Is it just the name? Or is it what its built of?

May i ask you one thing, and can you please answer me with true heart? What is LOVE for you, and how do you think a relationship between two people, partners in life, should be?

I have asked that alot from people, and i got always the same answer: Be true and honest to each other.
Now if everyone sais this, so why then i see them do opposit, how come i see them NOT be true and honest?
Faithfull is one of the favourite words too, but do i see that by them who speaks this? No.... I dont see that what they are speaking bout.

A blind man cant see, its the same if a blind man suddenly say: Hey did you see that TV show on channel one?
Its as rediculus as that when a person speaks that he or she is so faithfull and true and honest, when they aint that.

Should i be bothering bout this? No i should not, but something keeps me up late at nights in my heart and just keeps the fire burning.
I am the worrying kind of human, i am the one that thinks alot, are often one step before others.
Just becouse i protect my self from getting hurt, if i am there before them and surprice them, then they cant be able to say, i never did that.

I have two choises, just like you all have; i can bother bout it all, or let it just go with the flow, sure the days become easyer to live if i just go with the flow, but i am not calm under the surface. Or i can try have full controll of things that happends around me, and be calm, but it takes so much energy to be that one that keeps the situation round you in controll.

So when i think of my choises, i get one solution, one choise i wanna take, and that is to die, becouse i dont need or want to have full controll whats going on around me becouse i fear of being hurt and fooled, i wanna relax, but still i feel that if i just let things go with the flow, i might be taken as something very easy to fool becouse im blind and dont see what goes around me.
So yes i choose the death.

I have studyed the human being, and ive seen, mostly girls, they say that they love there boyfriend or husband, but they need something that her hubby cant give them in their life, so they have another guy to have those games you have in the bedroom, and they never see that they do anything wrong, becouse they love their husband and they only want to fill up what her hubby cant give them.
Excuse me i think i have to go and puke, and shower my self now becouse i feel raped, dirty and very cheep...
I HATE that way of thinking, this is why i need to have controll of what goes around me, becouse i am terrified to end up as the guy whos loved so much, but she searches after something i cant give, in another person.  That would freak me out, totally destroy me. I belive you get your self a partner just becouse YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, that in the late late laaate LATE future, he or she can and will still fill up every need you have in your body and desire. That my friend is what getting your self a partner means that is what a relationship is: TRUSTING, HONESTY, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVNESS, HAPPYNESS, SADNESS, COMUNICATION, BELIFE, SEX, BEING THERE, and L O V E!!!!!
There you have what a relationship is made of and what it is, its not a word, its a activity that is fresh and needs to be nursed and taken care of or it will die instantly.

So love is more then just love, its so much more then just just love...

You took it away from me

-I tell you what is wrong...
I tell you who i am...
But you never wanted to see my true colours...
You told me this morning i lied, but you saw i never lied the very same houer.

Where is your belife in god, where is your jesus?
Sun never shines on you, it shines on the earth.
World dont belong in your pocket, it belongs to people.

How can you say my children is more yours, you just gave your self a free ticket to no mans land.
How can a child be someones?
I am not the father anymore, i am nobody.
You told me that with other words.

Without my help you are doomed.
And that you know.

I have no children anymore, you took them away from me.
You took my proud away from me, you smashed my love to them in peaces.
No you locked them in a box.

Why me, why me of all people?

Did i wrong? Dident i feed them.
Cloth them.
Changed dipers.
Bathe them.
Went out with them.
Went to hospital with them.
Stayed up late, even i was so sleepy.

What makes me to them when i did all that for years when you were sick.
When i let you sleep even that i was o tired.

I worked 20 houers came home stayed up with them for houers even i needed sleep.
I was so kind but you forgot.......

You forgot all those small moments that made me to father.

You forgot my kindness, all i did for you. You never saw the world i brought down for you once.

Its ok, i never forgot.

But you wanna know a story....?
There was someone who saw me, my heart in diffrent way then you ever saw it, there was someone who saw ME...

Dont ask why i turned my back on you one day 2005 and started to walk my way and look after the girl i dreamed one night 2006.

I found her, just becouse i looked with my heart....

Dont worry, iknow i never were a good dad, iknow i only did more then i ever could imagine for them, i did it all for them becouse i thought i loved them, still do...

I just thought i was a father... i just thought... but you gave me my answer, they are more your chldren...

You want to know a story.... Never mind you have no time or efford to listen to me anyway..

Its ok... Its ok......

Do i really fight when i question you

Strange love, makes your heart question. Dream love makes your heart desire.
Velvet blue lagoons my heart saw and dreamed, velvet blue lagoons there still existed.
He told you: "together we go" I wondered was that a question from him? To you?

Strange love, dream as you dream of, strange love thats what we hold in us.
Did i make you smile, or was it a dream you smiled at?
Blame fully we respect, blame fully we strip of the feelings.
Some we keep for our selves we dont want our beloved to know becouse we want them in that shape we dream of.

To be naked infront of the one you love, isnt many who manages. Naked is when you reviel everything.
Fear so strong that it makes us lie, just becouse we are afraid to loose someone we love if we tell the whole story, so we change the story a bit so it sounds more nicer, less dangerous to loose what we fear to loose.

Lie there is many shapes of, lies are so easy to create, truth can never be created, it develoaps in us, it develoaps when we skip the lie.
Do you understand what im trying to tell you? Or do you understand only what you want to understand?
I will give you a book, a book thats called: Michael who he is for dummies...
Same book they sell for people who wants to understand the WINDOWS for computers, its called: Windows for dummies...
It has nothing to do if you are dumb. It only explains the easy way how to handle windows.

What is a lie? It is when we dont tell the whole story from upside down to up.
We think we do something good by not telling the whole story so thw one we love wount be sad.
But hey, its there where everything goes to hell, i rather heare a cold heart breaking truth then a lie that sounds so good in me.
Becouse the truth you can live with but not a lie.

I rather feel nothing at all then getting hurted by a lie.

I never choosed to love you, my heart did. Belive me it would be much easyer to not love you then love you. Becouse without having feelings to you, i wouldent sit here and worrying over everything everyday.
I could focus on my ego, instead of prepairing for death everyday.

I dont like being inlove, but the same time its a feeling i wouldent wanna live without.
If you knew only for a second what impact you have on me.
I dont trust people, i never did. I trust you, still sometimes, just sometimes the breeze comes and sais to me; can you REALLY trust her? Iknow that i can, but i hate to admitt that sometimes i do ask my self: WTF is she up too now???
I dont have to see that you are up to something...
I went once in your soul, took a mind tripp and i did it becouse iknow that i connect my soul in yours and thats how iknow what you are up too and when.
Its called: connection, soul connection.

Truth has only one story, but your storys thats suppose to be true has several storyes along time passes by...
Im a child that is born and rased to memories everything the one i love sais to me, becouse my mother who i loved lied to me many years.

I tell you how it feels when somebody is lieing to you, specially the one you love does:
-It feels like you no longer can trust the one you want to have as the last to trust you.
-It feels like a bad edged knife is carving out your heart litterately.
-You cant breath, or think.
-All you feel is why, and the tears just pooring out.
-It DESTROYS everything, it makes you suicidal.
-You never recover from that sickness, you stop trusting people.
-You can never have a good relationship to anyone more in future, just becouse you lied.

Trusting someone is so important, building up a trust takes time, destroying that can be done in one second.

If you loose my trust to you once, you never... get.... it.... back..........

Giving your love to someone means more then some are aware of, we let thenm have the power to destroy us.
Do i have to carry a gun? NO. But i fear i have to do that, and have the gun in a box that sais: FIRST AID KIT.

First aid kit to use when i dont longer trust you, so i can use that gun and pull the trigger pointed against my head.
You see, without you i will die slowly, so i rather do it fast and get over with it, then suffer for days maybe years.
When you say trust me, i do, but why do i feel anxiety later, why do i fear if you tell me to trust you?
Why????
Either i need to kill me, or something is not as you say it is in the air.

Chaos, life is a chaos, it brings us hopes, it brings us destinys to reach.
Do you belive in love at first sight? I do becouse i went thrue love at first sight with you.

I dont leave never. But i hope that all you telling me is truth and nothing bout the truth, not in your belive, i mean in my belive and gods belive.
Dont use gods name to try proof your innocens just to hide the real story. I dont wanna heare you speak bout the truth, i want to see it, want to see proof on that.
I dont leave you even if i loose my trust in you forever, it will only be a relationship where i wount belive anything you say to me. Then we live in a relationship that is a jail, a jail you never get away from.

Time shows the truth and time reviels the lies, and i am very patient, i always seek the truth, and will find it, the sooner you reviel the truth from your heart, the sooner i can start to trust you.
If there isnt any lie baked in your storyes, then its so good. But how can iknow without the proof, only you know.

People see lies as diffrent then some others. I see lie as everything that avoids the story you tell me, is a lie. Small lies its ok like if i told you i go and eat, and choose to instead go out, that IS a lie, but no serious.

Dont open your mouth if its dirty. Dont open your mouth if you dont keep to that story you are about to tell me. Just BE quiet.

Im a christian, and i want it many ways, but allways the true way nothing else. Remember that!!

Do i expect too much when i want it that way? Do i fight as soon i question you? Yea if you belive i fight as soon i question you, then YOU are lieing to me whole the time bout EVERYTHING!