License to deserve

-Sometimes its easy, everything floats on, then next day its all a climbing on a mountain.
We belive in what our heart tells us, and sometimes we trust our voices within so much  that we start to think that its our heart that speaks to us.
We are but humans, we do mistakes everyday. Some hurt, some dont...
But we all need to learn from our mistakes.

How do you explain something you cant explain? How do you fix something that is too late to fix?
How do you live on when you knew too late that the one you truly love, stood whole time infront of you, and you were just so stubbern and proud to admitt that you aint such bad person afterall.
How do you truly say goodby when you really just wanna say "im so sorry" and hope that the sun will rise again so that you can speak the happy language again together?
How do you live on, when you admitt all your errors, and accept that whats done is done, but you regret it so badly, but still you accept that the other one resaddled on to something new, how do you live on?
Just learn from it and swallow the pain and just hope for a new day to rise even that it was all your fault, just admitt it all and walk on by the road...

Just take good care, and find the happyness you deserve so much.

//Michael

Something in the deep atlantic ocean

-Some flowers die too early, some die when they are supposed to.
When do you know that something has died? Or are you sure that it is dead?
Many probobly have no idea what im talking bout, but those who knows me, knows that im not talking bout flowers.
How do you know that something died?
Im not sure...
Where do you begin if you cant finish something?

We belive and think something is dead, but there can be something glowing still in the darkness deep down in your atlantic ocean.
I saw that something in me still are glowing, i just dont know for how long more, it only feels that it will glow a while more, maybe forever.
I wanna put out that fire, and i dont wanna put out that fire.

Im stuck in my self, should i start to edge that fire up more, or should i let it be?
I only know that something isnt finished what i thought it was...

Something, just something aint finished....

Capones last dance

My heart beats so that i hardly can recognize my own breathing. There we were, out dancing, i took you by your arm, leaded you out on that sidewalk, where the only lamp stood and flirted with the darkness.
The light shined down on us, and the air was filled with smiles and happyness.
There we were, me holding you, slow and charmfully taking you thrue the song that only we heard.
We danced like never before, as the darkness smiled with the caressing light that shined upon us.

Capone must have been mad, when he sat there on alcatraz and smoked his cigars that only he could afford to have,
He must have been mad when he wrote that song. Song that only Capone knew bout, song that never were released on the streets. A song that we now stood and danced to.
Cheek to cheek, smile to smile, love to another, we stood there, just holding each other like it would be the last we ever did.
Time captured us, it captured our time... We never knew that it did, why? Becouse we were on that street.

What is love filled songs? What is love filled smiles, if not spelled like your name. Your name came with love, your name came as a substitute to my name, it came in one bag and it was delivered to me by a stork, you know those who deliveres babys in cartoons, yeah it was a cartoon stork that delivered our love to us.
Maybe i am a fool who stands here, with my beating heart and me who hardly can speak, hardly can get a word out of me... Im in heaven on cloud 9...
It seems that i found a happyness a là cartoon stork.
Maybe i did, but please dont stop this dance, here on the side walk, just dance forever with me, then i will reach the highest mountaines with you among our sheets, and my sallary will be your smile and a kiss on my nose, a gentel one.

The day came, work came, weekend came, night fell upon me, new day grew from the tree of knowlidge in gods yard.... I still waiting on that dance on the side walk i never had with you, i never had it with you becouse i dont even know who you were, or are, all iknow that a new day woke up and my dance with you to Capones song that never hit the streets of L.A, were just another dream that i can gather in my yearbook of dreams....

...Just another dance in my book of love

Innocent kiss in the guilty rain

Many years has passed since that summer day. Do you remember me? That boy who once picked that red rose without knowing better back then.

I am that boy who picked that rose, for one sake only, to one day have your heart beside my heart in that bed.

I was a dreamer, and my dreams never became true, but they always were me very present.

My dream.... My dream that never came true:

-Morning sun had just broken, and the jealous sky looked upon us with guilty clouds staring at us, as we lied in that bed all naked under the blanket, white as the snow.

Sun beems shined upon your face, your cheeks glittered in the morning light.

I smiled at you, you smiled, even that your eyes just woken up from a deep sleep.

I caressed away a hairstraw that had fallen upon your face, the sun dident heat up my body, it was my heart that burned that morning, burned so strong that it warmed me.

Time stood still, allmost like it dident exist.

'I leaned forward right close to your lips, i whispered "i love you" and kissed you as slow as 100 years was to have taken its time. It was a gentel kiss, innocent kiss.

And i smiled, just becouse you smiled.

-My dream, that never came true.

Many years has gone, mant days has suffered its time. I never made promisses like theese, there must have been some that i broken, but never i broke my promiss of my dream, just becouse it never went to my hands so i could do it.

The rain fell down, and the sun beems were long gone, do you still remember me? The one that promissed you to take that hairstraw away from your eyes and face so i could give you that everlasting kiss, the one you deserved.

The sun never shined this late afternoon, it was the tears of the rain that remembered me of my dream.

One gentel kiss... One innocent dream... And the rain from the sky....

Do you still remember me....?

Those eyes...

In the eyes lies the surface to truth.
Its scary as much it is threatful...
Eyes, natures magical creation. As deep as the atlantic ocean, you truly can drown your self in them, in good and in bad.
Eyes can kill you as the same time they can save a broken heart.
Eyes, so fragile, so dangerous but still so pleasent.

What do we care bout those people who made our body shiver becouse they had this georgeous body that made our lust be filled with candy, what do we care, becouse the eyes of that human destroyed that vision to thousends of peaces, and you dident even like his body, becouse it wasent that tasty one as you saw in that other one.
Yeah those eyes, so dangerous, so destroying...

So many adventures i saw in them, so many diffrent scenarious i saw in them, the eyes of a stranger.
Can i tell you the story i saw in them?

-When the early rose red as the poisened lips, bloomed out for the very first time in april month.
And the wind calmed down after the nothern cold that has had its blanket now for a decade over the solid ground, there it was, here it came. I think it was something i never thought could be.
The sound of the waves from Rio de janeiro hit my feelings in my heart, i heard them splash in to the wall where the white house stood. On that hill.
There was a humming in your eyes, there was a voice, i could not understand, but it was as magical as a magnet that had captured me.
If i only could taste for once the taste in your eyes, in that soul of them.
I think i would drown my self in that atlantic ocean i see in them.
I wanna drown, i wanna lye sleepless as cinderella on the beach and just hope that when i open my eyes after 100 years of sleep, then, there the first thing i would see, is your eyes.
If you had closed them before i saw them on that street that very early sunday morning, i would have gone pass you, and still be frozen here on the street while i walked among the city lights and the light beems from the cars...
Those eyes, they are something indescribably magically beautiful...
Those eyes...


-Years may pass, and i wount even lay a thought in what i saw once, but when i one day will recall them again, then i will stay forever..
Only then i will stay..

Those eyes.....

Time took my babys heart away

When the world no longer watched at us, when the nature no longer gave us the inspiration to the love that we so long did seek.
When the humans hope fades for every single coin that is dropped in the lucky well.
When there no longer screams help from anywhere, then there shall i stand with my head up high and wonder who stole my shadow of darkness and my heart of pure pain. Who would have been that egoistic to choose my pain over a gods sented angel heart.
I knew that i never would have given any answers, but i also knew that only the answers to the lies i betray inside of my heart, could only be answered by my own sort of kind to man.

I punctured my buble of fear, and out flooded the fear that smelled as the bitter sweet smell of fading flowers on a rainy sunday afternoon.
My fear should have never have ran out from that buble i had for so long inside of me, i feel so empty i told my shrink when he never asked me.
I feel so empty, what has nursed me for so long, i today only smell its bitter smell sometimes, you know like if it was a woman who went pass a blind man in a hallway, he only smelled her perfume mixed with the beauty she had dressed up for just that eavning.

Fear is not anymore a basic ingredience in my heart and mind, it is still there sometimes, but not shaped as the fear it was once, no it has a wierd colour shape that looks more like as a hate cape...
I watched my sons play that damn guitar, i saw my daughter play with my granny among the angels that sang the sweetest lullaby for my sweet princess, she who was so angry at her mother few weeks ago so she slamed a door and thrue a star shaped pillow on the floor; just to remind her mother that i am still here bitch, dont fucking forgett me.
I never forgett her, thou she is so lovlie based in my heart.

I remembered my other child, the who i visited week 8, and week 12 found out and saw how the heart stoped beating... If words could ever describe what tunnel i went thrue that afternoon, when i went to say hi to my baby, and saw how the heart of my child had stoped beating.... The other week was good, the heart beated, but now... its all so strange, the tunnel i fell thrue, how i rejected that: Thats not my child, see look how the fear ate me that sunny noon....
Nor did i cry, no i rejected my own blood, just so i wouldent get hurt...
I forgot that thing, until the other night that shaded my mind.

Laugh and run like the flower that has sprung out of its seed. Laugh and sing the cheerful songs of joy and hallelujah, just maybe for once, just maybe, just maybe for once for the one who you love.
Love came one day, it went out thrue the backdoor, by the way, im home honey.... As i spoke, as it much it ached between the walls that even dident have any paintings on, just the frames hanging there silent amd empty, empty from paintings.
Just like my life.
Crack up a beer, live the life of la vida loca and sing the bible songs that the good christian bitches trashed...

iknow what i will do, i will disepeare thrue that backdoor that you dident know existed and i will look at a better day to come.
My bus im wating on is coming soon.
Its coming soon, really soon......

GOD will never forgive you

Darkness took over his soul, over his heart.
He worked day and night.
Not knowing where he was heading at, where he was bout to end up.
The wine he was zipping on, made him totally out of controll, he dident more see him as the one he once was.
Who was he?
Answers never ached between the walls that surrounded him where he was.
Never spoken word, nor thought.
Never a tear fallen on the ground, he was compleatley alone.
Alone from that breath the woman took once.

She told him she was the one for him, he doubted, why? Becouse her words dident sound the way she was telling them.
She was a gift to him, aswell as a mistery to him. How could he ever belive what he never had been touching?
She drew him mad, mad over the border, border of feelings and depressions of sadness.
Who was she to claim him hers? Who was she to tell him one thing, and menting some other thing?
I do not know.
Neither did she, even that iknew better then that word.

I drank another zip on my cider, the cider was ment to drown him, in the lies that she spoke.
How canm iknow what you meen when you speak a diffrent language?
How can i know...
She changed alot since the day that god took it away. The love.
Words travell faster then the truth of silence.
Words... yeah words so dangerous so silent.
All this time, all theese lies.... Why? Why? Why?
YOU LIE TO ME!!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!!! YOU ARE LIEING TO ME!!!!

She denies it in her mind.
Iknow you are lieing, i smell that so clear.
Open your palm infront of you, and you will see a fire, a flame enter on it, that flame is your truth...
It dont burn? No becouse you are as black as the death in your soul.
Dont bring your lies upon me and wonder why the hell i am not around anymore... Dont shade the tear you told once.
Dont ever use GOD in your words just to get what you want, shame on you... SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!

You dont listen, i can feel it, you only care for your self, you always did, you love your self more then you eve can love anyone else. May God have mercey upon your soul, upon your black destroyed soul of lies.
You talk, but all i feel is that you are spitting.
So pathetic.... I laugh becouse you are more then pathetic.
You dont burn my soul with your words, you only nurse my hate even more.
Dont ever do that....

Dont ever use GOD as a weapon to get... what... you... want.....